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2011-03-11T17:49:00.003-05:00

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On Kung Fu Cult Cinema

2011-02-22T11:12:00.005-05:00

As I sit here chugging coffee and listening to Geto Boys, naturally my mind starts to drift toward thoughts of Kung Fu Cult Cinema. Not the genre specifically, but the website of olde that covered everything related to Asian flicks, however remote. It's where I got my start writing and, like many things born and raised online, it's now floating in a ghoulish shipyard with other similarly abandoned ephemera.

KFCC's front page circa 2007
I wouldn't necessarily say the collective level of writing on KFCC was "excellent"—mine certainly wasn't—but the site fostered a strong sense of community over the course of its existence, such that even when I was long separated from the actual work, I was bummed when it slammed down its virtual shutters for good. I did a lot of work on that site, and it also gave me my first significant taste of "getting free shit," which can be a strong motivator when you're a young, broke college student.

What makes KFCC more than just a footnote in my so-far relatively brief and kind of weird career as a writer is the frankly astounding amount of my life—both in terms of work and friendships—that have their origin rooted there. It's a veritable rogues gallery I'm tellin' ya*, and that's just scratching the surface of people who have had a great effect on my life in some way since meeting them via KFCC.

There's also the not insignificant fact that, well, the entirety of my work since has come as a result of writing for free about this stuff on that very site. It seems like an eternity ago now, but I once took the opportunity to interview this dude some of you may know about both PULP and this little book he wrote, Tokyoscope. Because of this bold meeting of the minds Patrick has been my editor-slash-wise-but-unfortunately-not-bearded-mentor in some capacity since ~2004.

Unfortunately one can only access KFCC now via waybackmachine, which is far from ideal. In fact, it's downright pointless. However, in the interest of "keeping the dream alive," I'm going to dig up and post some of my reviews on this blog; not because they're great writing samples, but because the movies themselves are awesome. I also hold the power to slightly alter them in subtle ways so as not to make myself look like a huge idiot. Stay tuned.

*if I didn't link you here, it's probably because I don't know what the hell site you have anymore, if any!

JLR: The Virtual Magazine

2011-02-03T18:15:00.003-05:00

If you're reading this right now, you probably have some fancy equipment like an iPad or an iPhone. Congratulations, because that's the only way to view my blog now, as I'm moving past what one would even consider a "blog." In fact, that will be the last time I refer to this as such, because going forward the JLR is a virtual magazine.

What kind of content can you expect from a "virtual magazine," you ask? Well, certainly pictures of butterflies will not suffice. The JLR will heretofore only serve the most elegant of content, which you may literally peruse with your fingers as you would a real magazine. Now, touch your screen to read on.

Alright now, on to more of the features. Thanks to a fully integrated system of content, you can actually access all of this site's old stories just as easily as you would the new. All you have to do is flip your thumb over to the sidebar and choose from various dates and subjects. It's a pretty hefty backlog, but the JLR's engineers had little trouble putting everything together.

If you have any questions about the way this all works, don't hesitate to ask. Below you'll find a drawing, which you can pinch and pull to zoom in and out for a better view.

Best,

Joseph Luster
EIC, The JLR

Now for Something Completely Different

2010-09-18T19:11:00.002-04:00

Our neighbors have a butterfly plant. I don't know the scientific name but let's just call it planticus butterflyum, because butterflies and bees hold it in high regard, coveting its many treats. Anyway, I took some pics with a Canon 7D + 70-200 mm lens. Click to enlarge.

Mandragora Punk: Zyuranger Episode 26

2010-09-16T11:55:00.002-04:00

This is hands down the best episode of Zyuranger I've seen yet. If someone hadn't realized this before me and put it on YouTube, I would have found a way to do it myself. It doesn't have subtitles, but you don't need them.

Dan and Mei eat some spiked shaved ice and turn into punks. What follows is a wild trip through a delinquent's underworld, yakuza, screaming mandragora plants and a very hungry Dora Monster with an appetite for sentai. So good they didn't even have time to bust out the big bot.

Mystical Arcade Magic and Megaranger

2010-09-12T18:52:00.008-04:00

Denji Sentai Megaranger is a sentai series that follows one of my favorite story setups. Frankly, it's not used often enough, and the easiest parallel to make would be to 1984's The Last Starfighter. Just as Alex Rogan discovered when playing Starfighter at a local arcade, Kenta Date learns that not all "games" are what they appear to be on the surface.

As episode one begins, Kenta defends the honor of some young arcade rats by besting the tough guy pictured below at the game Megaranger, which is kind of like that old 3D FMV arcade blaster Time Traveler.

I imagine this is what Tomonobu Itagaki was like back in the day

You see, Kenta is an ace at this game, so he has no trouble whuppin' up on this ne'er-do-well. Itagaki here isn't the only one that takes notice, though, as Kenta is approached by some suits from INET labs who claim to be the creators of this earth-shaking game. Turns out it's a training simulator, and Kenta fits the bill perfectly.

And so it is through this steel-sturdy premise that Kenta ends up being introduced to the base of the Megarangers, but his deployment into action's going to come sooner than expected. Rather than wasting a lot of time drafting other players via this game, the rest of Kenta's pals in the "Cybernetics Club" are simply invited to tour the lab and end up thrown into the same wild situation as Kenta when the evil Neijireijia attack.

"That's total bullcrap! I had to be awesome at games to get here!"

Before you know it we're thrust into space with our new sentai crew. I've only watched a few episodes so far, but Megaranger really falls into a comfortable time period as far as tokusatsu aesthetics are concerned. It originally aired in Japan in 1997 (and was used as the basis for Power Rangers in Space the following year), so it's not too advanced to be overrun with mediocre CG. In fact, what CG there is is so crude it circles back around to charming, kind of like early movies and shows about "the 'net."

Cool badguys (like li'l dude above), some rad mecha and the look of early '90s sentai masquerading deceptively under the slightly slicker hood of '97. TV-Nihon has subbed some of the series, or you can just get started by watching the beginning of episode one below. At least stick around for Kenta's exciting induction into the tights-clad service of the world's greatest heroes.

And Now a Word from Nintendo in 1991

2010-09-08T09:14:00.005-04:00

The following letter may be about as canned as could be, but I'll never forget Mr. Stephenson's wise Battletoads protip:

July 29, 1991

Dear Joseph,

Thanks for sharing your great tip with us! Our Game Play Counselors enjoy reading about the discoveries players make. Every week re receive thousands of hints from readers all over the country, so choosing only a few to print in the magazine is a difficult task.

Thanks also for sending your super artwork. We love to see our readers' creativity. We've forwarded your artwork to our Publications department. Since we receive hundreds of drawings each month, we can only print a few samples from talented fans like you. Keep watching Nintendo Power to see if your tip or artwork is selected for the magazine.

Read on for tips that will give your scores an energy boost. We know that even Power Players need a jump start now and then!

The Turbo Tunnel is one of the most difficult sections in Battle Toads. To conquer it, practice jumping and landing in the middle of the islands. It requires excellent timing and patience. If you have a controller with Slow Motion, you might want to try using that feature. Keep working at it, though. I'm sure you can make it!

Good luck, Joseph! For more game play help, call our Game Play Counselors at 1-206-885-7529 between 4 a.m. and midnight Pacific time, Monday through Saturday, or 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Sunday. We look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

NINTENDO OF AMERICA INC.

Tom Stephenson
Consumer Service Representative

The Treasures to Come

2010-09-07T14:13:00.003-04:00

Oh boy, I just unearthed some real doozies from the past. The JLR will no doubt be treated to this tasty trifecta in full, though I'll have to wait to scan the storybooks. Here's a preview of the loot:

Pictured are my first two (illustrated) short stories, "The Bad Day" and "The Buried Treasure", and a letter from Nintendo dated July 29, 1991.

It Came from 1993: Spectrum Comix

2010-08-28T00:59:00.018-04:00

Apologies in advance for the quality of any images on this entry. The pages of these comics are fairly "unscannable."

I've been drawing comics in some form for quite some time. Is this building up to some kind of lesson on the artform? Absolutely not. I'm the last person you want to take lessons from. But surely there are nuggets of some form—be they golden or brown and dotted with the remnants of peanut M&Ms—in these tales of superheroics from the early '90s.

Like most kiddos of the time, I was absolutely enamored with Marvel. But on an even higher level of influence were the comics of Image, then fairly fresh. Image comics came along and gave everyone my age what they wanted: stronger dudes and more scantily clad chicas. It was like everything we desired from hero comics but way dumber. Image comics like Wetworks made Valiant's 3D issue of Solar look like stereoscopic Dostoevsky.

Much like the diner, the logo was a real "Sizzler"

If Image comics were working on some subhuman plane of raw entertainment, my own concoction, Spectrum, was the sewer line running far beneath it. Actually, speaking on pure comics artistry, the creative thoughts running through my head at the time were flatline brain frequencies; the bubbling crude of a particularly odious Morlock.

I am, of course, praising myself in an odd way. It's all I know how to do.

The lineup was savage. Leading the pack was the katana-clashin' SCAVENGER, who deserves more exclamation points than blogspot allows. Picture an almost charmingly derivative mix of Spider-man, Spawn and Rai and you've just about got it. Here he is as he appeared on the first issue of his comic.

No doubt a candid pose

There were upwards of, like, seven other characters created, but that didn't stop me from writing a full schedule for the year, which I just unearthed. I've transcribed it—word for word, I swear—for the sake of history, and I think posting it below with some pictures will explain everything one could possibly need to know about the wild world of Spectrum.

Of the list, I have about four complete comics that range from 10-15 pages each. A couple are even innovative "flip issues" with one on each side. Both Scavenger #1 and Altitude #1 share such a unique distinction, why can't you?

A note for those not versed in the lingo of comic book price guides: "I" means that character is introduced, "D" means that character dies, and "O" means that character's origin is told.

SPECTRUM LINEUP (circa 1993)

* Scavenger #1: "Eye of the Beast" prelude (vs. Sharpshot)

+Altitude #1: "Eye of the Beast" pt. 1 (I: Congo, I: Don M.)

Sharpshot to Scavenger: "There's no hiding from me. This is for the arm!"

* Scavenger #2: "Eye of the Beast" pt. 2 (I: Archer, D: Sharpshot)

* Altitude #2: "Eye of the Beast" pt. 3 (I: Platoon and Chip) - Formation of The 3, capture of Congo.

Check out "Platoon" and "Chip"!

* Scavenger #3: "Eye of the Beast" pt. 4 - Conclusion. Congo breaks free and kills Altitude.

* Vengeance pt. 1 of 2 - Scavenger vs. Congo.

* Vengeance pt. 2 of 2 - Battle continues (I: Skyfire) Team up to fight Skyfire.

* Congo mini-series #1 of 3 (I: D'shaw) - D'shaw plans to blow up a building full of hostages. Congo runs to the rescue.

Congo, a beast restrained no more!

* Scavenger #4 - Don Majewski reveals himself to Scavenger and tells Scavenger of his past. (I: Sickle) Scavenger vs. Sickle part 1

* Congo mini-series #2 of 3 - D'shaw will release the hostages if Congo gets a special coolant from the lab. Will Congo break the law?

* Scavenger #5 - After almost killing each other, Sickle and Scavenger realize who the real enemy is: Don.

I didn't show this vampire again, but he never found Altitude...

* Spectrum Spotlight #1: The 3 (O+I: Stalagmite, O: The 3) The 3 vs. Stalagmite.

* Congo mini-series #3 of 3 - Congo jumps out of the building saving the hostages. No sign of D'shaw.

...'cause Congo beat 'im to it!

* Scavenger #6 (I: Gorgs) Don M. sends out his fleet of stealth robots (Generally Organic Robot Gear System, or G.O.R.G.S.)

* Spectrum Spotlight #2: D'shaw. What happened to D'shaw, you ask? A cybernetic body, that's what.

Whoa, fanservice! Lookit Archer's bountiful buttocks!
Boy, I don't know about you but I'm beat. Seeing that babe Archer up there really took it out of me! She looks kind of like Hilary Swank, doesn't she?

Return of the Guack

2010-08-27T20:26:00.008-04:00

If this evening feels a bit off—as if the air has to it a crisp quality not felt since the year 2007—it might have something to do with this being the third blog entry here within one month's time. This may not be a feat to your average day-to-day blogger, but it smacks of something that, were it indeed "so yesterday," Hilary Duff would correctly refer to as such.

It's actually much tougher to not maintain this site when my most recent entry contains John Hurt's disapproving stare, a wisp-in-the-machine with shameful chains a-rattlin'.

On today's episode I come tooting fanfare loud enough to shut that old grouch up for good. After bemoaning the digital loss of Gas Baby's hosting services, I was introduced to a new home for my comics. Now you can find it in its entirety (thus far!) here.

If you have never read it before I suggest you start at the beginning.

The Countdown List No One Asked For

2010-08-21T23:18:00.005-04:00

I recently delved back into Jim Henson's The Storyteller to address the timeless bone of contention that's been beating under everyone's floorboards for ages: What are the top 5 episodes? This is a loaded question, but I'm going to do my best to resolve the roaring debate at long last. Should I fail, I leave John Hurt to tell my story in astounding detail and with uncontested enthusiasm.

Being that there were only 13 episodes produced—and this includes the brief second series concerning Greek Myths—it's not difficult to sit down and evaluate them yourself. They're all on Netflix Instant Queue, so feel free to play along, agree or disagree.

First, a brief word on my criteria. Since this is a Jim Henson series, there's a balance in the evaluation between story quality and puppet use, with the latter holding the power to truly tip the scales. Should two episodes be nose-and-nose in both categories, the draw comes down to how much the Storyteller's Dog (voiced by Brian Henson) is featured.

5. "A Story Short" Consider this The Storyteller's "origin," or at least something from his past that's as close to one as is offered. Though many might long more for a tale of the dog's background, "A Story Short" is a great little ditty on the nature of telling stories in general, in which our host recounts a time he was forced to tell a king a story a day. Should he fail, he'll be boiled in the cook's oil. Naturally, on the very last day of his service he runs out of ideas. That is, until something extraordinary (kind of a ye olde Inception) happens.

4. "Theseus and the Minotaur" While I enjoyed all four episodes of the Greek Myth series, this is probably the strongest. It doesn't hurt that it also has the best monster, but overall it's the most concisely told. Honestly, I could probably put all of Greek Myths in the fourth spot, because that series feels more like one anthology feature. Important note: no points were deducted for Michael Gambon replacing John Hurt as The Storyteller. Hurt is the man, but wouldn't work in this context. Plus, the dog wanders the labyrinth with Gambon and constantly remarks on how "terrible" all the sad turns of the tragedies are.

3. "The Luck Child" A king attempts to kill a "luck child" that is prophesied to become king himself one day, discarding him into the ocean. Of course, with luck on his side the baby survives, and grows up just fine elsewhere. When the king runs into the child again 17 years down the line, he thinks of a new way to be rid of him. He'll send him on the impossible quest of retrieving a golden feather from the murderous Griffin. The Griffin, pictured above, essentially has the face of one of Labyrinth's Fiery dudes. That and the old Ferryman pushed this episode ahead of contender "Fearnot."

2. "The Heartless Giant" This little nugget came dangerously close to the top spot. It's definitely the episode I remember most vividly from its original airing, and is the second directed by Jim Henson. Soon after a child frees a heartless giant imprisoned in his father's kingdom, he discovers why he was put there in the first place. Setting out to right his wrong, he confronts the giant under the guise of servitude, helping tidy his enormous house while searching for the hiding spot of his heart. I really like giants.

1. "The Soldier and Death" Since this is the very first episode of the series, they had to prove they were gonna go buckwild with the creature shop. Mission accomplished. The Devils are kind of like the goblins in Labyrinth; full of all kinds of, well, deviltry. Rather than explain the premise, I'll just insist you watch the episode. If you don't have Netflix, it's all up on YouTube here. If you're too lazy to do that right now, just watch The Devils in action. Is it mere coincidence the #1 pick is home to the only other episode directed by Henson? Probably not.

So there you have it. Now all your deepest curiosities may lay to rest at last. Go and tell the world how momentarily satisfied you are, and enjoy your peaceful respite.

Yo, Luster, Where You At!?

2010-08-19T23:56:00.004-04:00

I'm right here, hopping on my blog to update about something not related to Castlevania! It totally sucks to be my blog in 2010, doesn't it? I feel kind of bad for the fella, but I think it's full of so many kick-ass blog entries that I'm almost intimidated to touch it at times. It's like I crafted a real babe of a blog and now it's just shakin' its hooters in my face and I'm all lowering my shades as if to say "tadow!"

Or it's like my blog has become cool dog and I just expect it to act cool on its own.

Anyway, it's really tempting just to jump to the end of those Castlevania stories and move on, but I like to finish things I started properly (which is why I'll still be drawing Gas Baby when I'm 60 [by the way, let me sub-parenthetically pick a bone real quick. The place I normally host Gas Baby was ComicSpace, but they, uh, I don't even know. It's not there anymore, though. I guess that means it's time to start a proper GB site or something]).

Speaking of proper sites (whoa, I just continued from a parenthetical statement, is that allowed?), I renewed josephluster.com for another two years. Now you vultures can just scram, because it's mine.

The whole reason I came here to post is because the latest issue of Otaku USA is out. This is the cover.

I'd say I "literally know nothing" about Hetalia, the cover story, but that's not true. I do, however, literally know next to nothing about it and would like to keep it that way. I hear it's quite popular with the kiddies, though.

I wrote about the following: TV Games, Dragon Ball Z Kai, and the live-action adaptations of 20th Century Boys. Don't believe me? Peep the TOC. Also peep the site in general, it's my freakin' day job.

Luster's Quest: The Castlevania Adventure pt. III

2010-06-24T14:45:00.003-04:00

Lots of stuff going on; I almost forgot about this!

I want to kick this entry off with a YouTube video that serves two purposes. One, it showcases the powerful effect of Holy Water in Castlevania; this video quite literally overhauled the way I look at the game. Two, it features one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite chiptune artists, Cheap Dinosaurs.

Now that you've chewed on that, you can see how handy this item is. Even if you were already well aware, I most certainly was not. In fact, my history with the series had my friends and I avoiding Holy Water by any means necessary, as if its essence would spill out into Belmont's grip and burn him like the sinner he surely is.

So yes, it was Holy Water that got me over that ages-old obstacle of Death. Though my victory over every man's inevitable defeat remains a programmed illusion, I found solace in the concept of besting the Reaper, even in this virtual world.

Death remains just that, though: an obstacle. The real Summit of Man's Might rests atop Dracula's castle, and the battle to get there offers up some of Castlevania's fiercest challenges yet. Against the odds, my accomplishment awoke in me a primal drive to finally see this game to its end, and see it I did.

Let's talk about Dracula for a second. Though we won't get to speak of the ULTIMATE Drac fight for a few more entries, the battle that goes down in Castlevania is pretty worthy of a final boss. Just look at that smug bastard!

But it's not until you whip his freakin' head off that he reveals his true form. As cartoons, comics and games have taught us, the Japanese have an interesting concept of Count Dracula. He is somewhat of a snaggletooth'd gremlin-devil here, and he'll wallop ya! There's nothing more crushing than facing defeat near the end of a boss's second form, but it makes the win that much sweeter, and it's one of many reasons I couldn't stop talking about finally beating Castlevania after so many years.

For those wondering, I did indeed involuntarily pump my fist and exclaim "Yes!" like a sugar-struck child of roughly 11.

Most importantly, I feel like I can fully appreciate the game now. I've called it cheap many times in my life, but it's really not. Like many NES games, it has its fair share of "issues," but it's pretty well designed and it holds up to repeat play. Best of all is the fact that you can start right at level one after the credits roll, kicking off a much more difficult version of the game.

While you bask in my personal glory, I leave you with another song:

Listen: Wicked Child

Coming up next: Simon's Quest!

Luster's Quest: The Castlevania Adventure pt. II

2010-05-27T11:46:00.007-04:00

I thought long and hard about this, because as a freelance writer, that's what I get paid to do. What good would I be if I couldn't scoot my chair over to a window overlooking the marvelous vista of Hoboken and ponder important matters like "I wonder how I should go about blogging my Castlevania experience?"

Let's get an executive order out of the way first. This shit's going down in roman numerals. That's the first thing I'm changing right off the "bat" (get it?). If you can't read 'em, this is part 2. I'm also going long with this, because I don't have anything else to write about on the JLR at the moment, so bear with me.

The original Castlevania has been a TV game thorn in my side since my youth. It became one of many classics that I wrote off as something I would just never finish. It wasn't meant for me to complete; it was crafted for greater savages. The issue I always held with this, however, is that I love the series. Even in the face of great difficulty, it's like something that was created specifically for my tastes. Dracula! Mummies! A freakin' Frankenstein (or "The Monster" for you purist nerds)! Fleamen!

But no matter how hard I went at it, there was always a little roadblock by the name of Death. As in all 'Vanias, he awaits the player in his chamber, where he proceeds to rain the terror of a dozen flying scythes upon their heroic person. By the time you get to him in stage 5, a mere four or so hits spells death for Simon Belmont (or Belmondo, if you like). This is maddening, and usually results in Simon bouncing around the room like a rag doll before collapsing in a pile of shame and embarrassment.

Previous attempts over the years had me doing just that, if I even made it there at all. However, somehow I had never been privy to knowledge of the "Holy Water trick." Once I saw the above .gif, I knew I might actually have a chance of making it past Death, if not Dracula himself.

The next entry in this voluminous yarn will explore just how this opened the gates for conquering Dracula's gnarly castle. For now, I leave you with a track from the game, something I'll be doing with each post from here on out. This is probably my favorite song from Castlevania, and I think it took that title because I had to play stage 5 so many times that it burned itself into my mind like a searing brand against a horse's ass.

Listen: Heart of Fire

Luster's Quest: The Castlevania Adventure pt. 1

2010-05-23T13:41:00.005-04:00

I probably should have posted about this back when I was actually in the thick of it, but for a while there I was really stabbing hard at the Castlevania series in my free time. Yes, that long-rest'd, well worn, and notoriously difficult saga as first appeared in America on the Nintendo Entertainment System in the year 1987.

I was six years old. Head like a giant apple, hands stained with chocolate pudding snacks.

Frankly, I never was able to solve a single one of the original trilogy back in those glowing days of youth, no matter how long I sat plunked down in front of my NES. Odd then that now, when I probably have the least available time to do so—and about ten times less the appropriate level of patience—I plowed through Castlevania, Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, and the Japanese version of III, Akumajo Densetsu.

To say that these were hefty accomplishments to me would be a whopper of an understatement. Had you been unfortunate enough to live anywhere near me during that period, you would have no doubt heard me wax heroic about my exploits in Castle Dracul. I once not-so-famously held a very lengthy bar conversation regarding the difficulty of completing the first Castlevania (I had done so earlier that day), a chat that came equipped with so many personal pats on the back that, had you seen my bare skin, an embarrassingly red palm print would have pulsated and pounded your senses like the dancing lights of a crime scene.

It is with this humble opening that I begin this series, as much in the interest of reviving actual writing on this blog as it is concentrated and gloriously pulp-free braggadocio. It is a tale not only of victory over seemingly insurmountable odds, but of triumph over impatience and a presumably agéd degradation of TV game dexterity. Consider it your very own chalice through which your person may be reborn, free to conquer those sand-blasted challenges that humbled your bygone years.

This... is Luster's Quest.

Found: The Original Slamm Dunk Drawing

2010-05-19T15:48:00.005-04:00

Here's a treat I've been meaning to scan for ages. It's the very first picture I ever drew of Slamm Dunk! This may be the only time he's been depicted doing what he actually is supposed to do: dunking criminals into sub-space.

Click to enlarge!
I don't know what I like more, that he's not even looking down, or that the basket is right at crotch level.

Trapped in the Closet

2010-05-18T15:31:00.005-04:00

I may have left all of my manga back home in Louisville, but that didn't stop this from growing atop my entertainment center in Hoboken like some cosmic spore over the last year or two.

Click to enlarge
Can you spot your very favourite funny pages? Not pictured: Superhero comix and galactic Marvel mega-stories. They're on another shelf because I live in a sardine can.

LIP: Luster in Print April 2010

2010-04-16T13:03:00.004-04:00

If you can't get enough of me on the Internet (I mean, gosh, I know I update this blog way too frequently for you all to keep up with it), then perhaps you're asking yourself, "What's the latest haps on Luster in Print?"

First, I have to insist you all go pick up the latest issue of Otaku USA! Not only does it have lots of hot tamale articles, it's our third anniversary! Some Luster content includes the always immaculate Games section I edit (my review du jour: Capcom's Tatsunoko vs. Capcom), and a feature on the Air Gear anime, which is about incorrigible scamps rollerblading as if their very essence was fueled by playing way too much Jet Set Radio.

There are also lots of other great articles by people that aren't me, but this is The Joseph Luster Report, not The Other People on the Internet Report or whatever.

If one magazine alone can't satiate your lust for Luster, by all means pick up the latest issue of Sci Fi Magazine. You can read my all-Luster-most-of-the-time Games column therein, including reviews of Bayonetta, Dark Void and more. Even more action-packed, though, is my feature on the Prince of Persia movie. I talked to Jake Gyllenhaal, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Persia-creator Jordan Mechner to bring you the most sandswept satchel of big-budget boastfulness possible.

Don't tell ya mama, but you can also probably find me writing about war gamez in each issue of Military Heritage and World War II History. For serious.

Go buy magazines before people decide it's a "cool retro thing to do"!

Swag of the Year: Final Fight Double Impact

2010-04-08T16:37:00.005-04:00

Contents include (inside the smashable barrel): Reversible Mike Haggar/Magic Sword shirt, Final Fight cassette tape, two pins and a can of pink temporary hair color spray which is, as the inclusion of controversial goon Poison would imply, a trap.

Beep City Special on This Week in VGM

2010-03-10T12:43:00.004-05:00

If you happen to miss the sensual and smooth voices of myself and Brandon on Robotronic Dynamite, you can get a flashback via the latest episode of This Week in VGM. The whole episode centers on the Beep City compilation, and a few contributors talk about their songs and how they went about creating them/what inspired them.

Brandon and I recorded a segment about our songs and the site in general, so go listen to it here. Apologies in advance for our uneven levels; it's like experiencing the technical woes of podcasting all over again!

Beep City Presents: Love Songs from the Future

2010-02-12T12:29:00.004-05:00

Brandon and I just released the first ever Beep City compilation, a marriage of our own music and some of the best artists in the community. Check it out, it's really good.

Love Songs from the Future vol. 1

Track Listing

01. Warm Green Something (Bit Rat)
02. Battle For Bifrost (Daemon9623)
03. Nicole Shippo (Alex Mauer)
04. The Tale of A Pirate (Nario)
05. Honey Hive (Moldilox)
06. Infernal Shell (Temp Sound Solutions)
07. Never To Return (Norrin Radd)
08. Kludge (Captain Tortilla)
09. Flight of The Peacock Lords (Prizmatic Spray)
10. Air Raid The Ocean (Zio and TEH LOLZ)
11. Sputnik (Wizwars)
12. Jungle Jim’s Jellybean Jamboree (Djinnocide)

DVD Review: Two Short Films by J.L. Carrozza

2010-02-09T12:37:00.006-05:00

I've said quite a lot over the years about the films of J.L. Carrozza—the artist formerly known as Kojiro Abe—but can too much be said about his work? Many would bellow a hearty YES, shooting down any further queries with extended tongues and a flagon's fill of venomous saliva.

There are things that remain to be said, however, especially when it comes to the long-awaited DVD release of his two largest projects, Little Red Riding Hood and Dream House. For fear of going over the acceptable Internet Word Count—an alarmingly short peak beyond which attention spans plummet with deafening howls—I'll be trying to stay as focused as possible, even in the face of such an intense digital release.

Rather than going into detail on every little thought I have about the latest version of Little Red Riding Hood, I first direct you to my original accounts on the film, which remain unchanged for the most part: marvel at the thoughtful analysis by Patrick Macias and myself.

As for the updated aspects, I have to say I completely disagree with Carrozza's thoughts on the color correction of Red. I much prefer the original, as he puts it, "cartoony and over the top" look of the movie. The change doesn't ruin it, but it actually ends up looking more like straight up DV to me than before. It is interesting, however, to see how drastic the changes are in the extra features. Whether you find them appropriate or not, the movie is without a doubt still his best.

The new version of Dream House raises the same Earth-shaking question in my head as the first: So when do you wanna go meet the townspeople? In fact, when I made the move from Louisville to Hoboken, I too asked myself this. When do I want to go meet the townspeople?

Though the answer to that question still eludes me, the fact that it was ever asked in the first place illustrates but one of Dream House's myriad issues. While this update tends to some, others stick around regardless of adjustments.

The story begins with a couple entering the home of their dreams for the first time, and ends with David Luce restraining a woman for the second. If the climax of both this and Red don't say something about Carrozza, then I don't know what does. It's the only thing that speaks louder than the inspirations he literally wears on his chest (as seen in the behind the scenes portion of the DVD).

While this could have been entirely intentional, the film lacks any real sense of subtlety, which is something that could have contributed to a spookier atmosphere. Heck, even if it was intentional it also lacks the amount of camp needed to pull off that kind of thing. The real reason behind this is that Carrozza tends to over explain aspects of the story that aren't really necessary. The realtor's presence, for instance, is entirely superfluous. All we need to know is that this is the house of their dreams yet there's something horrifying lurking under the surface.

Jessica's new actress (Deirdre Yee), or in this case voice actress, is actually a strong enough improvement over the original to warrant the effort. That said, even better vocal talent can't cover up the other flaws of Kate Noyes's performance.

I don't want to get too down on Dream House. I've said before that I just think it's a notable step down from Little Red Riding Hood, but the mere fact that this version is shorter makes a big difference. It's not just a little bit shorter either, the movie was cut by a whopping 12 minutes and, at the very least, doesn't plod as a result.

Honestly, if you've ever had a "thing" for Kojiro/Jules—and simply being a reader of this blog makes that a 50/50 shot—Two Short Films by J.L. Carrozza is worth a gander. What can I say, I'm a sucker for this kind of wanna-do-it-so-I-did-it, put-up-or-shut-up homemade stuff, and I especially appreciate the Special Features that give us a glimpse at how it all goes down in his world. I think the future may still be bright for him so long as he steers clear of dead weight ne'erdowells like Ryan Murphy, and instead focuses on mending the bridge to the Promised Land of Luce.

While I can't say I like everything he's done up to this point, I still appreciate the quirks and the enthusiasm Carrozza puts into it. He shoots in woods and backyards. He stutters as the utterance of "a-a-action" comes with an animated, seemingly uncontrollable arm gesture. He has the wardrobe befitting any young aspiring director concerned with utility and comfort: the infamous black t-shirt/cargo shorts combo that even I have sported famously behind the camera many, many times.

May The Artist Formerly Known as Kojiro Abe continue to wear it well.

Two Short Films by J.L. Carrozza is available here.

Flashback: Space Sheriff Shaider

2010-02-08T23:00:00.007-05:00

Here's a

FLASHBAAAAACK FROM 2004

A Space Sheriff Shaider column by me on Kung Fu Cult Cinema via wayback machine.

With Apologies to Osamu Tezuka

2010-02-01T12:38:00.005-05:00

For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good drawing exercise to start taking some comic pages I really dig and try my best to recreate them. Thus, I bring you the first in the JLR's With Apologies series, in which I do just that.

First up: page 76 of Vertical's release of Black Jack vol. 9 (which is great, you should pick it up). Remember, it reads right to left.

Click to enlarge!
As you can maybe see here, Black Jack is adrift, and is fending off sharks with scalpels. I don't have the original to show you, but I assure you it looks much better than this. One thing that's off by a decent margin is the framing; I couldn't quite line everything up right on my 5.5" x 8.5" sketchpad with my Pilot Precise V5 (I love those but they're kinda thick for this).

Also, I learned it is really hard to draw as perfectly as Tezuka and I think I appreciate his art even more now, if that's possible.

The Ripping of 8-bit Flesh

2010-01-26T12:24:00.004-05:00

Hey, you should all check out the debut EP from Sean "Daemon9623" Babbitt, because it's a rowdy collection of tracks that will take you through a gnarly chiptune zombie outbreak and leave you a tattered mess of ragged flesh and bone. It's available here via Concatenation Records.

This is the Joseph Luster Report, so naturally there's a JL angle to this post. I did the cover art:

Click to enlarge!

Chojin Sentai Jetman (Famicom, 1991)

2010-01-06T13:27:00.005-05:00

Could it be? Has the Living Tribunal returned in 2010? I think so.

I don't know how I've lived this long without jamming the soundtrack to Chojin Sentai Jetman, a Famicom game based on one of the very best sentai series. I haven't even played the game, but the music is ace, and it's worth a listen for the titillating title theme rendition alone. If you've never seen it, soak it in first:

Hot dog, can Hironobu Kageyama ever croon! Composer Hiroyuki Iwatsukitaru knew this well, and faithfully translated said crooning to the Famicom soundchip. Being a kind gentleman, I ripped the NSF of Jetman into a .zip of MP3 files for your downloading pleasure. Get it!

Chojin Sentai Jetman (Famicom) [.zip, 40mb]

There are definitely shades of Capcom in the soundtrack, Mega Man specifically. I plan on popping a ROM of the game in when I get back to Hoboken. It's a Natsume title that's apparently like Shatterhand with giant robot battles.

I like this one because it looks like they're about to fist bump
All images viciously swiped from this cool page on Natsume.

The Year is...

2010-01-01T11:26:00.001-05:00

An Attack on The JLR is an Attack on America

2009-12-31T14:24:00.004-05:00

Slowly deleting comments from this post, which has become the Pearl Harbor of blogging. Thanks, Japan, see if I ever make a soundtrack based on one of your comics again!

So 2009 is winding down, and you should expect some posts once more. However, thanks to the kaiju kommenting attack, there are some increased restrictions! I'm like TSA over here but slightly less lazy.

JoE Shieh—you might know him as That Taiwanese Dude That's Obsessed with Lists—wants me to do some top ten nonsense, but I don't know about that. There will definitely be some kind of recap in the near future, so keep your peepers peeled and don't remove this blog from your RSS feed or whatever you use to browse Sandra Bullock's The Net.

Or add it back if you already have, you filthy animals.

More Like a November I Forgot!

2009-12-03T00:00:00.007-05:00

I want to kick this off with a couple things. First, I'd like to thank everyone who checked out my NES soundtrack to The Drifting Classroom. I worked really hard on it in my spare time and I'm pleased with how it turned out. It was received really well, dare I say, across the world! In fact, even original manga artist Kazuo Umezu seemed to enjoy it.

WOW is all I have to say to that. I can't believe he's holding a physical copy of the album in his home, and I have to give major thanks to voidmare over at Tokyo Scum Brigade for making it happen. Totally blows me away.

I'd also like to apologize for failing on my November promises. It turned out to be a mad busy month, so I wasn't able to commit the amount of time I would have liked to this blog. Rest assured, it is not forgotten, and it never will be so long as it exists in the ether.

I do have a new piece of art for you. Over at the Electric Ant Zine blog, they have a "I Draw Your Shit" feature, in which everyone is invited to draw the characters of others. This time around it's Lamar Abrams' Max Guy, from his comic Remake, which I highly recommend to everyone. It's funny, and charming, and charmingly funny, and stupid, and awesome.

You can see my puerile contribution here, It is #9 in a lineup of really good drawings.

The Drifting Classroom: The Game: The Soundtrack

2009-11-16T10:45:00.002-05:00

Over at Beep City, I just released the debut Moldilox chiptune album: The Drifting Classroom. Based on Kazuo Umezu's amazing 70s horror manga of the same name—available in its entirety from the fine folks at Viz Media—this would-be Famicom adaptation takes us from the opening cutscene ("Strange Future") to the very end of Umezu's sizzling tale.

Check it out! Download the full album and listen to all fourteen individual tracks here.

Fright Night Forever

2009-10-31T10:38:00.005-04:00

I have to say, I'm so disappointed in not having time to post more Wick'd Weirdos leading up to Halloween that I'm officially extending the holiday. In fact, I think you'll find the next month to be a... NOVEMBER TO DISMEMBER!

I'm not leaving you completely out in the cold on Halloween, though. Over at Beep City, Brandon Fincher and I whipped up our very first chiptune collabo just in time for this dark 'n dreary night of shrill shrieks.

Click the cart to check it out! Happy Smelloween!

Edit: Added a second track, "Un'atmosfera sinistra."

What's Olde is New Again

2009-10-15T14:05:00.002-04:00

While celebrating this week's release of the new A Boy and His Blob game on Wii, I realized that a Christmas drawing from the good year 2006 is now relevant once more.

Go see it here (NSFW?)

I'll also have you all know that Brandon is STILL the only one that actually received a prize from that contest. My original disclaimer really saved my butt there.

Where the Wick'd Things Are

2009-10-11T14:00:00.004-04:00

Why, these WEIRDOS just won't stop, will they? This time, we've got a couple of wick'd wild ones straight from eternal pal of the JLR, JoE Shieh! I bet you thought he was only good for squawkin' about TV games on the fondly remembered Robotronic Dynamite podcast, or occasionally teaming up with Yours Truly on a comic (more to come on that front later).

But no, it turns out he is also quite... wick'd!

He'll tear the flesh off your bones, then yo-yo to some dulcet tones!
A demented clown fish, that doubles as a vile sushi dish!
Thanks, JoE!

Journey to the Blechh

2009-10-10T23:02:00.005-04:00

This isn't quite as bountiful as my last post, but I wanted to put up two Chinyuki images. The cover is great, and I think this particular drawing sums up the comic nicely.

Man Gataro: Scat in the Brain

2009-10-07T10:09:00.010-04:00

Man Gataro—or Gataro Man, or Manga Taro, or Man-Gataro or, you know what, there's not enough information about the guy online for me to fuss over which way I'm going to present his name—is one of my favorite mangaka... and I can't understand a word of his comics!

A while back, one Wes Blacula shot me some Man Gataro tankobon from his trip to Japan. Specifically, a volume each of Jigoku Koshien (which I'm sure some of you have seen Yudai Yamaguchi's adaptation of, Battlefield Baseball) and Chinyuki, which is his Journey to the West/Dragon Ball spoof.

I'd kill for some of this in English, but despite that barrier, I've flipped through them and "read" them on a fairly regular basis, partly because I love his art, but also because it's so well done that I still laugh out loud at a lot of the stories. That's pretty much the definition of a good comicker in my book.

The art itself looks kind of like it comes from a really disciplined artist that sometimes just goes completely nuts on his page. I could see someone giving his comics a quick glance and passing them by, thinking them amateurish, while they're anything but. He'll scribble faces recklessly on one page, and then follow those up with something shockingly realistic to further the gag.

So, for your enjoyment, I scanned a few sample pages from Jigoku Koshien volume 2 that I find particularly awesome. You don't really need a setup, and I can't say I have a very good one for you even if you do! Pardon the quality of the scans, I wasn't about to cut this book up just to post it on this blog:

I know I don't need to tell 90% of you this, but the pages read from right to left. Also, click to enlarge!

Count Cahtunes and Grip the Ripper

2009-10-05T23:48:00.005-04:00

I hope you want more Wick'd Weirdos, because here are two.

He'll drive you insane with what's public domain
You know to let go, but his goal is to roll

Meet the Wick'd Weirdos

2009-10-04T18:19:00.009-04:00

Are you ready for some weirrrdoooooooos!?

It's October, which many know as the greatest month there is. I'm inclined to agree, and to cement that thought more firmly in your mind, I present to you your newest pals. You'll wanna collect 'em all. They're the way out warriors of the what'd-I-eat wasteland, WICK'D WEIRDOS!

Here are your first two Weirdos. Well, technically you get four thanks to the addition of two bonus brothers.

He's got one arm but he can do plenty of harm
Curd and the bros are rude, crude and gross
Stick around to find more about these fearsome but flavourful fiends. Oh, and if anyone gets a wild hair and feels like cleaning up the WW logo, be my guest!

Free with (1) Large Pepperoni Pizza

2009-09-29T00:46:00.006-04:00

Guess what came in the mail while I was in Mystic, CT for my best bud (and renowned star of the Memoirs film series) Canaan's wedding?

A phantastical film collection and an excellent nod to our pal The King, to boot. More to come...

Rare Treats from the Beast

2009-09-24T11:10:00.004-04:00

If you follow this blog dutifully, and might I add what a brave soul you must be, then you know the saga of Big Man Face well enough. Better than most, even. With that in mind, I'm sure you'll enjoy some rare, recently unearthed clippings from He Who Be So Hairy and Wild!

One of the very first illustrations of the man with the very big face.
It is a little known fact that BMF has an Earwig buddy that lives in his head. At one point we had a stop-motion sequence planned
Ghastly!
One of the handsome young men in our crew was quite taken by our hero's universe, and would frequently doodle on the slate. I kind of fancy the name "Big Men Face"

Why Does He Bark? This Wild Dog of a Man!

2009-09-23T17:40:00.004-04:00

Just one of many notable nuggets in this essential guide to all things Henshin Pimp, as seen in Animerica proper circa The End Days:

Click to enlarge!

Beast from 20000mm

2009-09-17T09:47:00.002-04:00

This is no colossal beast... unless you are an ant!
Click to enlarge!

International Gentleman

2009-09-16T20:54:00.004-04:00

From the latest issue of Japanese gaming mag Weekly Famitsu:

Click to enlarge (j-nerds, feel free place translations in the comments), and here's an isolated look at (likely) the first time "Flamin' Hot Cheetos" has ever seen print in Famitsu.

Of Beeping and Cities

2009-09-15T10:38:00.003-04:00

I keep neglecting to mention this on here, despite it being the most earth-shattering creation in all of 2009. Brandon Fincher (AKA Djinnocide AKA Pearl E. White The Bearded One) and I have set up a little website called BEEP CITY, which I urge you all to check out right now.

Actually, Brandon set it all up, but I promise he consulted with me throughout its formation. On those pages, you can find chiptunes in the vein of classic games created by the two of us, and even some that aren't! In fact, we most recently put up our first third-party release by Shawnphase of Temp Sound Solutions.

So go check out some of the tunes and the NES-inspired "releases" from which they have been culled. If you're feeling particularly bold, sign up! The site and its content will continue to grow, so get your foot in the door before we're too big for our britches or we sell it off to someone with big bucks and a tiny, brittle heart.

Remember, It's a BigWig Production!

2009-09-09T11:08:00.006-04:00

Some of you, nay, MANY of you may have noticed a little special touch to BigWig films that came about a few years back. Before or after the credits roll, a sudden woosh of text flies on screen, usually reading: "Remember, It's a BigWig Production!"

Though many believe the first appearance of the "Remember" tag to have occurred during the theatrical screening of Transportal at the 2006 Louisville 48 Hour Film Project, this isn't entirely accurate. The first known use of the tag appears in the remastered edition of Fester Fantastic.

A proud tradition begins
An entire theater was made to "remember"
But where did such a bold concept originate? Did it, much like the text itself, pop out of thin air and into the consciousness of America? No! In fact, the idea first came from a 1995 Bollywood movie, Diya Aur Toofan, which you can watch in its entirety at that link. The text in question pops up around the 2:38 mark (that's hours, not minutes). Though I'd rather you watch the scintillating film itself, because it's actually really awesome, here's the title and the defining moment.

I just think this title looks cool
Oh, we never forgot!
This has truly become a key element to all BigWig Films. Why waste time pondering whether what you're watching is authentic? We will continue to make sure you always... REMEMBER. Oh, and for a fine sampling of the many ways this staple can be varied, please refer to Wes Black's hit, and the most recent BigWig film, Dog Sittin' and Pants Shittin'!

A Bard's Tale: "A King They Call Me"

2009-09-04T06:51:00.001-04:00

Way late posting this. Enjoy it over the holiday weekend, and don't forget to watch the 2002 original first if you've never seen it.

A Placeholder for Something of Substance

2009-08-11T11:28:00.004-04:00

In the midst of The Deadline Crackdown, I return as a herald of news that yes, I am still alive. In fact, I am very alive because this past Sunday I watched as Stephen Sommers completely nailed a live-action G.I. Joe movie in the year 2009. How is that even possible? More on that later, perhaps.

For now, maybe you would like to check out some videogame-inspired chiptunes that I made over the last month or so. Here is one you might enjoy. There are others, as well, and you'll find more on those here later, too.

Gas Baby: Chapter 6, Page 76

2009-07-17T03:21:00.002-04:00

Click to read!
This page may not pack a wallop o' action, but consider it a teasing primer for the next chapter in Gas Baby's life. With what I have planned for this chapter, I'll more than likely be doing double-page updates after this one.

Pass it along, get all your friends hooked on Gas Baby!

Monster in the Hallway

2009-07-12T20:08:00.009-04:00

Click to enlarge!
Drawn with a crappy blue pen, scanned, and then colored in Photoshop. Here's the original scan, if you're interested.

Luster vs. Jaephisch Rd. 2

2009-07-11T01:47:00.006-04:00

I sent super-comicker Jason Fischer (AKA JFish AKA Big Man Face) another bit of fan art for his ongoing Saturday morning serial, Jaephisch and the Dark Rainbow. If you don't read it, you should, and if you want to see my take on the softer side of Jaephisch, just click on the FAN ART section below the new page.

Here is a peek. A tiny one.

Salmon Party Q&A

2009-07-09T09:13:00.003-04:00

Is it true that you don't write anymore and only post stupid pictures?

Yes and no. I actually write way more than I draw, which is probably one of the reasons I haven't been writing much here lately.

Yeah right, prove it.

That's not a question, but this month sees a Luster Double Hhhh-wwwwhammy on the newsstands, so please go check out the following fine periodicals!

Megan Fox will lead you like a siren to my double whopper cover feature on Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Since it was written, oh, back in April or so, it's far from a critique of the movie, and is centered more on the info I got from interviewing Shia LaBeouf and VFX supervisor Scott Farrar.

Don't stop there, though. I also wrote a sidebar for the G.I. Joe feature detailing the history of the toy line and, as is to be expected, wrote the Games column.

This issue should honestly be picked up by everyone on merit of Daryl Surat's Fist of the North Star feature alone. No other magazine is brave or bold enough to feature so many hot pics of Kenshiro's journey through our wasteland future.

Personally, I tackle the usual suspects here. I'm particularly into my Shigurui review, because that series is hot and needs to be seen. Also: some news, games, and reviews of Ichi the Killer and L: Change the World in the Tokyoscope section.

Go buy magazines!

KaPOW!

2009-07-06T10:00:00.002-04:00

Click to enlarge!

Ultimate Frankenstein's Monster

2009-07-05T21:52:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling like this is going to be a pretty productive week, one which I'm kicking off by experimenting with drawing more in Photoshop. If you want to look up the guy below in the phonebook, you'll be able to find him listed under "Frankenstein's Monster, Ultimate".

Click to enlarge!
And yes, Frankenstein's Monster wears a wifebeater. I thought everyone knew that.

Tokyo Gore Night

2009-06-28T13:22:00.003-04:00

This weekend was an NYAFF gore explosion, starting with Friday's premiere of Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl. That was awesome and I'll definitely be posting a review on Otaku USA this week, but there was also a major Hungry Man meal to devour last night.

Tokyo Gore Night had Tokyo Gore Police director Yoshihiro Nishimura returning to the stage with Machine Girl director Noburo Iguchi (along with Tak Sakaguchi and VFX supervisor Tsuyoshi Kazuno) to screen all the TGP shorts, as well as Machine Girl Lite (or Shyness Machine Girl or whatever else it's called). It was also Iguchi's 40th birthday, which, after Sakaguchi threw darts at everyone's asses in order to grant admittance to samurai school, led to audience spankings and gift presentation.

I'd love to caption every picture, and maybe I'll start to now, but go ahead and check out the photo album below for some highlights.

Tokyo Gore Night

UPDATE: Alright, friends and foes alike, I ended up captioning every photo. Give 'em a peek!

Super Joe Comics 1

2009-06-16T18:37:00.003-04:00

Here's the deal. JoE Shieh and I, inspired by the Laserpony Studios collaborative comics that can be found over at Nedroid (here is a sample), did an improvised trade-off short. We started this, the first of many to come, a couple weeks ago. I did the first panel, he did the second, and so on, each with no clue how the other would continue it. Okay, you get the point.

Click to read!

Smokin' Pat

2009-06-11T12:51:00.004-04:00

Here, enjoy an eerily accurate portrait of Pat that I did last night.

Click to enlarge!

JLR Exclusive: The Thing: Clobberin' Time

2009-06-04T14:16:00.003-04:00

How appropriate that E3 is going on right now. While in Louisville, I unearthed these age old "design docs" for a beat 'em up called THE THING: CLOBBERIN' TIME. Our research puts this somewhere around Earth Date 199X, when I was attending Middle School. Let's have a closer look, okay? Please click each image to enlarge and study.

Just look at that sweet cover art. The game is apparently disc-based.

The first stage is a doozy: "The Streets." Note the appearance of my obsession with enemies. Also, I'm pretty sure the bosses exist based on the Toybiz toys I had scattered around me.
Check out The Mines! One can only assume that Hulk has been captivated by some sort of mind control device, thus making him your sworn enemy.
It figures that Fantastic Four HQ would be loaded with such a nefarious Trash Compactor mini-boss.
The frightening mini-boss trend continues in Latveria. But will The Thing be able to escape the might of... TERRAX?
Note the grim mystery surrounding Doc Doom. Then go look at the cover of the game again and realize his face is visible there. But he is not your final foe. That honor belongs to...
THE MASTER COMPUTER (gasp!).
And we end it all on a somewhat revolutionary note: a first-person escape sequence!

A Challenger Appears

2009-05-25T13:38:00.003-04:00

It's Memorial Day and I'm in Louisville watching Land of the Lost episodes on SciFi. Right now they're going absolutely buck wild with the prismatic effects in the ominously titled "The Possession." Baby brontosaurus wheeling around logs while Chaka carries a hypnotic, power-transferring baton.

I'm buried in a ton of crap I wish I could bring back to Hoboken with me. Lots of manga. I mean LOTS of manga. The cons outweigh the pros, because as much as I love already being smothered by media in my thimble of a room, adding more to the pile doesn't really entice me. I do, however, want to bring back a bunch of crappy old art/comics to scan and post. I have one scanned already that I may post later.

For now, face this new challenger.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 75

2009-05-19T13:43:00.005-04:00

Click to read!
At long last, chapter 5 has come to a shocking conclusion! Stay tuned, though, because this baby's tale has only just begun...

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 74

2009-05-18T15:41:00.002-04:00

Click to read!
One more page to go in this chapter!

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 73

2009-05-13T22:48:00.001-04:00

Click to read!

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 72

2009-05-12T12:32:00.006-04:00

Click to read!
It was hard to find a teaser image that would not be considered a "spoiler." This one kind of still is, but that's okay. Chapter 5 is screaming to a close with just three more pages left, folks. In the meantime, I present to you an exciting bit of excrement I like to call...

The Making of Page 72
Here's an intimate peek inside the process of creating a Gas Baby page. First, I start off with this extremely detailed script page:

Then I try to make sense of it with my Pilot Precise V5 pen. I should probably pencil this stuff out beforehand, but I haven't penciled a single page of Gas Baby so I think starting now would be a mistake. Since I've been coloring with Prismacolor markers for this chapter, I have to keep the pre-color details scant. Then I add more lines after the markers have dried.

Here is page 72 before I started coloring:

The pages are mostly done by the time I scan them, but I add more details and fix problems/levels with Photoshop. I have to say, this is probably the only chapter I'll fully color with actual markers. It's not that it's too time-consuming, it's just expensive and I have to be a lot more careful while working on them. I'll still be coloring them digitally, and I might actually have to do that with the very next page, so stay tuned!

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 71

2009-05-11T10:39:00.002-04:00

Click to read!
Finally, the saga continues! I bet you completely forgot about that savage beast, didn't you? What in the world does Were-Baby have up his sleeve? FIND OUT SOON!

The Week in Preview

2009-05-10T20:10:00.004-04:00

Even though I've been pretty busy in the last few weeks, there's no excuse for not continuing to update Gas Baby more regularly! I'm debating whether I should wait until I close out the chapter to post the rest (there are just five pages left) or keep up with the page-by-page action. It's really tough to sit on finished pages, but I know the trickle can wear on both Reader #1 AND Reader #2 (you know who you are). Anyway, working on page 71 now, so until then...

Rainbow... BLAST!

Otaku USA 12

2009-05-07T09:54:00.005-04:00

Heavens, it's the 2nd anniversary issue of Otaku USA, available in stores wherever cool magazines are sold! Per usual, I shall regale you with what I contributed to this one, it being Thee Joseph Luster Report and all. Of course, there are many other kool kontents within, perhaps most notably a big honking feature on Harlock and Galaxy Express 999. If you're a thorough person, you might check out the full table of contents here.

But like myself, you are here... for me! In this issue you may enjoy the Games section I edit, which includes two of my reviews: Afro Samurai and Prinny. There are also some game news bits, a brief write-up on Hajime no Ippo: New Challenger, some Street Fighter and Afro Samurai sidebars, and a feature on the D. Gray-man anime.

So go support the fiery, burning passion of the American magazine industry! It is only, like, $5.99!

Ole! Captain Jose!

2009-05-05T14:02:00.004-04:00

Oh look, some Ninja Baseball Bat Man fanart. By me!

Here is a very large version for you to do something fun with, like download and keep forever.

Scanline City: Ninja Baseball Bat Man

2009-05-04T15:06:00.009-04:00

It's been a while since I played an arcade game sizzling enough to inspire a new Scanline City. The original plan was to just keep a running dialogue going about the games Pat and I were playing, but arcade nights are few and far between and typically full of disappointment, with one or two gems sticking out of the crumbling concrete.

This past weekend, however, was Beat 'Em Up bliss, and I may have discovered one of my new favorites:

Ninja Baseball Bat Man (Yakyu Kakuto League Man) is a brawler in the vein of The Simpsons, or something similarly goofy, but it wasn't developed or published by a company I previously considered king of that arena. Nope, it's not a Konami or Capcom concoction, nor is it a mighty scream from Data East; NBBM hails from the halls of R-Type, Irem. Call it a lack of exposure on my part, but I feel like I discovered an entirely new world of wackin' wastoids and crunchin' quarters.

There are four different Ninja Baseball Bat... Men to choose from, ranging from The Fat One to The Short 'N Spunky One, covering all the bases of life as we know it. As established in the long-running mythos of sentai shows, the red one is without a doubt the "main dude" with the most balanced power. Are you really surprised? After all, his name is CAPTAIN JOSE! Of course he's awesome! The combat is completely frantic, and this is just with the two players (myself and Pat) that were around at the time. I can't imagine how wild it would get with four PS2 controllers jammed deep into the PC (sorry, no authentic experience here), but this was plenty insane.

The plethora of special moves and baseball-themed attacks (knock fools around with grand slams, throw home plate in their faces, etc.) aren't wasted on your usual punks with biohazard symbols on their jackets. The enemies are as cartoony as the main characters, starting with little baseball men and growing increasingly deadly... like a dozen baseball men combined into one. The rapid-fire rhythm of knocking sense into them with your fists is broken up at the end of each stage by, what else, big freakin' bosses.

And, as if the game was yanked from my dreams, these bosses are announced with the bom-boppa-bom pomp of a trumpet chorus that peeks out from the floorboards.

Boss battles are where the already stupendous graphics of Ninja Baseball Bat Man really show their stuff. The first boss, Windy Plane, is just that: a giant walking ramshackle jet with a shark face and a whole lot of punch in his propellers. They get better and better as the game goes on, and the energy of it all doesn't dissipate until the final curtain draws on New York City, which is yet another accurate depiction of what was probably going down in Yankee Stadium circa 1993.

There's plenty of variety and, unlike lesser beat 'em ups, Ninja Baseball Bat Man is fun and fresh from beginning to end. As all the competent genre contenders know, doing the same stuff over and over again is just part of the game. The action diverges from beating people up hand-to-hand right when that starts to wear thin, and takes the player into short segments of beating people up... in a snazzy car! The music throughout is just as hectic as the fighting, and while that might not suit everyone's tastes, it works within the confines of this buck wild world.

Ninja Baseball Bat Man is an absolute must-play arcade game, and I'm more than a little sour that I missed out on it as a young impressionable mensch. That Sour Patch Kids cloud has cleared slightly now that I know I can revisit this classic any time I want, and I can only dream that some day it will be reissued as a downloadable title. If this sounds fun to you, seeking out the ROM might be a better solution than holding your breath for that magical day.

The World of Phreekombudae

2009-05-02T14:03:00.007-04:00

Today, for those that don't already have your noses deeply wedged in the spine of an Archie Double Digest, is Free Comic Book Day. In celebration of this fine Saturday, Jfish (of Big Man Face and Dark Rainbow fame) commissioned some of his fellow artists to combine their efforts in making a giant map of "Phreekombudae," a world composed entirely of comics!

Being among those valiant folks, I thought I'd share this link with you all. You can check the map out, download a 300dpi version to hand out at a comic shoppe or, if you're in the Portland area, head to Floating World Comics where the initial batch is being handed out. For those that want an immediate compass-point to my own continent, it's the one on the right side that's numbered XXIII. Truly a Co-Co Island, if you will.

I have to give Jason some major props for this, because the scale is pretty massive. Getting everyone to draw comics is one thing, but putting them together in a world map like this is a different beast entirely.

Tales from the Procrastination Crypt

2009-04-29T14:49:00.004-04:00

"Hello, kiddies! You know what they say about procrastination... all's fair so long as you don't submit your articles... DEAD LAST! (Hee hoo ha ha hahahahaaa!). That brings us to today's tendon-snapping tale, which finds Joseph Luster doing everything he can to put off his work, even if it means pulling a real... ALL-FRIGHTER! In this CUTTHROAT industry, coming in late might force him to take up a... nom de TOMB! (Hee hoo ha ha hahahahaaa!)

I call this sizzling short... WRITER'S SHOCK!"

Luster Monsters 002: The Mummy

2009-04-24T17:11:00.002-04:00

Click to enlarge!
Oh look, a blog post! Hopefully once I clear some stuff off my schedule soon there will be even more.

Slamm Dunk Visits Brown That Banana

2009-04-13T10:05:00.003-04:00

Friend, curator of Internet treasure chest Brown That Banana, and champion of male-on-male erotica, "Doc Brown" just recently celebrated 10,000 hits at his "blargh." Guess who stopped by? Slamm Dunk! Marcus Modugeray himself agreed to pose for an exclusive banana-themed image. When asked why, he simply replied. "I DON'T KNOW!"

Push that meter way past 10,000 by following the teaser image above to the entry.

Oh Yeah

2009-04-11T13:59:00.001-04:00

While the rest of the world has probably watched this video a thousand times, for some reason I never saw it back in the day, and I'm kind of blown away by how buck wild it is.

Blanka

2009-04-09T15:43:00.000-04:00

Click to enlarge!

A Comic Preview

2009-03-31T23:25:00.002-04:00

I'm b-hole behind on Gas Baby pages. It should be noted, though, lest everyone think that I'm NOT juggling too many things at once (I think it's good for you, personally), that I had started a comic short prior to picking that series back up, and I intend to finish it sooner than later. Here's a cover page preview:

As always, more to come!

Flashback: Classic Big Man Face Sprites

2009-03-19T16:50:00.005-04:00

I bet you didn't know that Big Man Face was the star of hit games on both Atari 2600 and the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Don't believe me? Here's proof! Okay, this is old content, but I've never posted it on this blog before.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 70

2009-03-11T15:22:00.002-04:00

Click to read
Had a little delay on this one, but I hope the RAW EXCITEMENT made it worth the wait. Wow! 70 pages of drawing naked babies fighting!

My Roommate on Jimmy Fallon

2009-03-10T12:36:00.003-04:00

Canaan and I both snapped equally amazing screencaps of my roommate Dan in the audience of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He's the guy that looks like he just saw a ghost on the top right corner.

Here's the full video.

Champeens

2009-03-10T11:26:00.002-04:00

I have to post this here because it's such an awesome picture. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what Louisville does in the Big East tournament this week.

Meanwhile, you can expect some more Gas Baby in the next few days. Only about 6 more pages left in this chapter!

The Old Days

2009-03-09T17:04:00.003-04:00

I drew this last night for an exercise posted at the LJ of comic artist extraordinaire and Big Man Face himself, JFish. The song was "The Old Days" by Dr. Dog, and yes, I realize it's pretty much the last thing one would normally think of when listening to that.

Saturday Mornings Have Been Moved to Thursday

2009-03-05T18:10:00.003-05:00

And it's all thanks to embedded video in The Merry MARVEL Manner. Bless them, they're now streaming Toei's 1978 Spiderman series with English subs every Thursday on their site. Episode one is out now, and can be watched by clicking this link.

Professor Monster could give the Sinister Six a run for their money. Marvel should have considered a similar course of action when rebooting Spidey during that Brand New Day story. Change, Leopardon!

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 68 and 69

2009-03-04T11:27:00.004-05:00

Click to read
Without meaning to, I stayed up until 3am working on these. I couldn't upload one without the other, right? Anyway, I bet it's been a while since you've seen Cancer Baby on these pages, and if he looks unfamiliar, read the darn comic from the beginning!

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 66 and 67

2009-03-03T13:08:00.005-05:00

Click to read
Since the update took a little longer than planned, here's a Gas Baby double whammy for every boy and girl. Looks like Cancer Baby's eye might have flown a little too close to the action, stay tuned to see what happens next!

The Horrors of Noby Noby Boy

2009-02-28T04:25:00.004-05:00

As Keita Takahashi games are wont to do, Noby Noby Boy's frightening new world inspired some late night drawing. This one was powered by a Pilot Precise V5 and assorted Prismacolor markers on a Biggie pad. I recommend clicking on the image to trigger a chain of events that eventually make it larger.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 65

2009-02-26T00:21:00.002-05:00

Click to read
Wow, so that's Gas Baby's new move, huh? Remember this one, because it's the only time you'll ever see him use it!

Dragon Ball GT is Really Weird

2009-02-25T12:24:00.002-05:00

Everyone always hates on Dragon Ball GT, mostly because Akira Toriyama wasn't involved, but it's plenty strange and there's enough wacky crap going on to make it fun. In a lot of ways it's more enjoyable than Z, because it mixes some of the action established there with the whimsical adventure aspects of the original Dragon Ball taken to an intergalactic level.

I wrote a big feature on the series, which should be popping up when the latest issue of Otaku USA drops. I'll be sure to mention when it's on shelves if anyone wants to check it out, but it probably won't help explain the image of Trunks carrying a queen bee on his back.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 64

2009-02-24T22:46:00.004-05:00

Click to read
I said I was going to wait to do the next two at once, but it's tough to sit on them for long. This was actually the first one in forever that I had to do multiple revisions of. I crumpled up my first attempt after it was completely inked.

The Hoboken World Warriors

2009-02-23T15:51:00.003-05:00

I'll start this off by paraphrasing Raul Julia as M. Bison in the 1994 Street Fighter movie. For you, the day Joseph graced your SFIV Tournament was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Saturday.

It's true, Street Fighter IV's rabid grip on the world has extended to Hoboken, NJ, and the tiny, nook-like Gamestop here participated in the nationwide tournament this past Saturday at 2pm. Having spent a decent amount of time preparing, I went to the store with Pat and Dan, each of us certifiably Tuff E Nuff to roll with the rest of The 'Boken.

Being roughly the size of my bedroom, which in turn is roughly the size of a thimble, there were only about thirty people that could safely fit in the back of the Gamestop, but each represented a crucial slice of the gaming spectrum. There was, for instance, Strange Black Guy That Talks Like Baby Huey and, for your pleasure, Meth-Addled Brian Crecente. I'll simply call my third round opponent "Fing'r Les Mittens," because that is precisely what he wore while fighting me.

Yes, The Good, The Bad and the Sweaty were out in full force, and they were the only thing standing between us and the Round 1 prize: a headband and some armbands.

Once the dust settled, we left headbandless (it's okay, I already had one) but with great enthusiasm. Dan got knocked out in round one, Pat made it to round three, and I made it to the finals only to be knocked out in the last round of the match by my opponent's Sagat. "I almost won Hoboken," I exclaimed to all that would listen, but no one cares about almosts and couldas when a Round Two trip to the luxurious Lyndhurst, NJ Gamestop is on the line.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 63

2009-02-22T05:05:00.004-05:00

Click to read!
Here's another one. I think this might be the best page of Gas Baby?

For those interested, this is the layout I whipped up beforehand on a small piece of notebook paper.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 62

2009-02-20T01:43:00.006-05:00

Click to read
About halfway through this one I was thinking it would be the last full color page, but now I really like how it turned out, so I may be in it for the long haul. This also marks the 600th entry here, so do a little dance after you're done with the comic.

For those of you that don't give a flippin' spit about gaseous babes, I promise this won't be all I post from here on out, I've just been kind of busy this week.

Gas Baby: Chapter 5, Page 61

2009-02-17T10:42:00.007-05:00

Click above to read
It's been a few years, but Gas Baby is officially back in action with the first page of Chapter Five: Blood Brothers. This one promises the most action yet, so stay tuned for more, and everything that precedes it is available right here.

The Return of Gas Baby

2009-02-16T03:37:00.006-05:00

It's been a few years since Gas Baby was updated, and that's a real shame. No longer, I say. Gas Baby is going to continue, because there's still a lot of story to tell, and I left it frozen on a vicious cliffhanger. I think there might be a lot more color in the new chapters, too.

So, with this going back into gear, now couldn't be a better time for readers both new and old to absorb or reabsorb the story thus far in preparation, comic sans and all (just click the pages to go forward):

Start here

You've Heard of The Thinker

2009-02-12T02:00:00.001-05:00

But what about... The Stinker!

Early Call: Best of 2009

2009-02-11T11:51:00.003-05:00

Why wait until 2010 when I can call it right now?

Best movie of 2009: YATTERMAN

Got to check the premiere of this bad boy last Friday. It's non-stop from beginning to end, and is definitely one of Miike's most fun movies. I'll be posting a full review on the OUSA site this week, so I'll link that when it's up.

Best game of 2009: FLOWER

Flower is mind-blowing in a lot of ways, and needs to be experienced from beginning to end in one sitting. I'm glad that Sony has been working hard to keep the press from showing off video or images from the second half of the game, because it's incredible.

Of course you know I'm not really calling the best of '09 in February, though it's just the sort of trick'ry I'd like to pull. Either way, I can guarantee these will remain among my favorites for the duration of the year.

See You on the Other Side, Monsters HD

2009-02-10T12:45:00.008-05:00

This is already the year of all my favorite things being canceled, and it would be more than a little unfair for me to send off EGM and not my most favorite TV station, Monsters HD. I'd link you to the site, but that disappeared at the same time all the Voom networks stations were dropped from my cable service, so you'll have to live with this tiny, pathetic image.

Sadly, now a false slogan
It's no exaggeration to say that Monsters HD was an enormous help in my settling into a new city. In the year since I moved to Hoboken, the channel proved time and time again to be my go-to source for entertainment when nothing else would cut it. Sure, just like any cable movie station, Monsters HD had a lot of repeats in its lineup, but the variety represented from week to week was consistently impressive, and the movies all looked really stunning to boot.

Slasher marathons, Hammer films, days of nothing but Dracula; this is the stuff man concocts in dreams. At the very least, I'm glad I took full advantage of the service it offered while I could, but I do genuinely miss it. You hear me? I miss you, Monsters HD! I dedicate this song to you!

(edited for more appropriate sendoff video)

Astyanax!

2009-02-04T11:36:00.003-05:00

I drew this back in Louisville over the holidays while posting about the soundtrack, but I didn't have my scanner with me. I can't decide which is more homoerotic, the original cover art with the dandy lad or my manly Astyanax that hammers enemies with his double-edged dong.

Coming up next: a very belated farewell to Monsters HD!

B-Train

2009-02-02T13:52:00.004-05:00

While I have a slightly larger comic in the works, I want to start getting into doing "weekend comics" that span maybe a page or two tops. B-Train is the first, and I'm sure you'll all see the looming influence of Dudu Blaq & Dirty Earl in every panel.

Page 1
Page 2

Slamm Dunk #43

2009-01-27T16:17:00.003-05:00

This cover is a fan favorite, illustrated by popular guest cover artist Jake Bixby.

Click to enlarge!

Apartment One Power Rankings

2009-01-17T01:17:00.006-05:00

While you wouldn't need to know this 'less you lived here, we have "power rankings" at our apartment. It's really easy to fall out of place in the rankings, especially if you're away from the apartment for a noticeable amount of time. Anyway, pictured below are the current rankings, as posted AND frequently updated on our refrigerator.

Last night and tonight I drew and cut out some appropriate avatars for each of us. For those keeping score, I am "Joe" and I am the piranha plant with the black beanie.

Unreleased: Pulmonary Dog Pound

2009-01-15T18:54:00.003-05:00

Here's the opening/cover page to an as-yet-unreleased Dudu Blaq & Dirty Earl short, Pulmonary Dog Pound. Enjoy, and maybe we'll get to see the rest someday!

Neo-Human of the Week: Oil Bambara

2009-01-14T16:04:00.008-05:00

Oil Bambara, pictured above, is a particularly crafty member of the Neo-Human elite. Dressed as a genie, this oozing cyclopean beast tricks an otherwise sweet young girl into committing arson across town thanks to his hypnotic pot of oil. With the pot clutched tightly in hand, she spills its contents in buildings and razes them with glassy-eyed nonchalance. If I were to wager a guess, I'd say Oil Bambara weighs 127kg and is made of pure burning evil.

Quote: "You cannot escape from my world of fire!"
Inazuman to Oil Bambara: "Oil is your weapon, and your weakness! Your body is made of oil! I will use my powers to blow it up!"

It's Rocky!

2009-01-12T17:56:00.003-05:00

As some of you know, I am a daily watcher of Canaan's devil dog, Rocky. Though th' devil in him may run to his roots, he has proven a mighty artistic muse since I first moved here. Now that I finally have Photoshop once more and am rediscovering the joy of scanning and coloring things, I can upload the pile of Rocky drawings that has accumulated for the past 11 months or so.

Here is the first, a subtle yet bold announcement: