26.11.08

The Vicious Vice of Mrs. Fenech

(Copy-pasted from a post I made here)

What we have here is the latest short from RD madman Umair Aleem, folks! In his own words, The Vicious Vice of Mrs. Fenech is "an homage to the wonderfully bizarre, funky, psychedelic (& at times nonsensical) euro-thrillers: the Gialli!" Written and directed by Umair Aleem, starring Rhiannon Alexander and other screen legends, and featuring music by Brandon Fincher, you just might find yourself slapping on a couple black leather gloves after watching this one.



The Vicious Vice of Mrs. Fenech from Robotronic Dynamite on Vimeo.

25.11.08

Star Farts

After finally seeing the Clone Wars CG movie I can, with bursting confidence, claim Rotta the Huttlet AKA "Stinky" AKA (according to Jabba) "Punky Muffin" George Lucas's most inspired creation.


Luke WHO? Boba WHAT? Yeah, those were all farts of the mind at best before Rotta stepped into the spotlight. As brain-shatteringly brilliant as I find the little bugger, though, I also feel a bit cheated. His unique design couldn't have come from any other source than Yours Truly, who created a similar character at the turn of the century in one of the Samurai claymation shorts. That's right, just take a look at "Baby Gay" and see if you don't cry ripoff.

24.11.08

Confirmed: Kanye West Traps Rodents in Ass




GGNQR: C.H.U.D. (1984)


Truly the most acronym-heavy headline ever to grace this webpage. Last night I was feeling really blog-lazy, and almost posted a review body that just read "sucks." Then when I woke up this morning, I fought away the temptation to type "D.U.D."—which I'm sure was used to hilaaaarious effect back in '84—and leave it at that. I guess what I'm getting at is I watched C.H.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) for the first time on Sunday and didn't really dig it.

It's not going to take long to boil down what doesn't work about C.H.U.D., though, it's just a completely directionless flick with a great premise and no one capable to deliver on its potential. There isn't even really a lead to hold everything together. John Heard seems like he might be the protagonist at first, but then the movie forgets about him for a while as it focuses on Daniel Stern, a shelter worker that knows the ins and outs of the underground homeless community, while he helps Christopher Curry solve a missing persons case.


Then it occasionally goes back and forth between the two and Heard, eventually unleashing the titular humanoids on the audience in a couple forgettable scenes of violence. That's where the real disappointment lies. The creatures themselves look pretty rad, and there are some other good effects like some convincing prosthetic heads and decent, if brief, gore. There's a lot that could have been done with the simple setup of radioactive humanoids living in the sewers and eviscerating winos as they rise to the surface, but it's really just boring.

C.H.U.D. is the kind of "cult classic" that should be remade. Not because it's a movie that deserves the treatment, but because it's one that needs it.

23.11.08

Galactic Ghetto Sketchbook: The Art of Brent Duncan - Part Two

Much to my and your dismay, it seems as if it's been much longer than expected between the first entry in the Art of Brent Duncan series and this one, its long awaited followup.


The following entries in this expansive and potentially endless exhibit all act as character studies from his observational period.


"The Gravedigger"



"The Apparatus"



"Of Olde"



"The Return"

22.11.08

Remembering JAKE LASER

Since Jake's original host location has since expired, and in celebration of the world being filled with the joy of his theme song alone for over a year, there's no better time than the present for a reupload.

Jake Laser Theme Final - Jake Laser

If you close your eyes, you can almost picture his rowdy space adventures in your head. Hey, it's Saturday, and that sounds like a great way to spend the next couple hours of your life.

21.11.08

Instant Queueriosities

Only two days into its existence and my Xbox Live Netflix instant queue is scorching up the charts. The freedom of not waiting for discs allows for some truly bold decisions; some regrettable, some not. I'll let you closely judge the first three, pictured in some form below. Before you do, though, I should just take a moment to mention how excellent this service is so far. The video quality of Shrooms (not so much the movie itself), specifically, was phenomenal, and it streamed in its entirety without as much as a stutter.


Number three is the real humdinger. Yes, you can watch this right now on your Xbox for free if you're a member of Netflix. Don't blame me if you see vapors of Slamm Dunk, blame DIC.



I love the twist at the end. Just when you think it's all about basketball, hockey and baseball, you learn that "it's all about helping kids."

20.11.08

Scanline City: Prehistoric Isle in 1930

As if Ray Harryhausen himself had been zapped like Captain N into the world of arcade games, SNK's Prehistoric Isle in 1930 brings antiquated aircrafts face to face with the Thunderlizards of legend.



Booting up Prehistoric Isle should titillate any man, woman or child on some level immediately, but its appearance is more than deceiving. Visually, it looks like a really generic horizontal shooter, but the dangers contained within are unique to this title and this title alone. Much like every stop-motion-filled tale of the past ever filmed, Cavemen coexist with dinosaurs in some fashion, but these aren't your average Raquel Welch rabblerousers. These cavemen are absolutely suicidal. They hang from Pterodactyls and drop down on your plane from above, gripping tight to your wings in an attempt to weigh you down and end your flight early. If that doesn't work, they have no problem hanging back and tossing rocks from afar!


The real treat comes when you square off against the boss dinosaurs, which range from normal (relatively speaking) fare like the Stegosaur and Brachiosaurus, to bad mothers like the one above, listed only as [UNKNOWN DINOSAUR]. If they ever find the skeleton of THAT bad boy, then God help us all. Prehistoric Isle frequently volleys back and forth from straight up dinos to gigantic crustaceans and killer bugs from beyond the isle's most tucked-away valleys. The pièce de résistance, unquestionably, is the final battle with the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He's a fireball shootin', plane-chompin' son of a gun, and he's not going down without a... BITE!


If you're bold enough, download a ROM of this game and play through it with a close and trusted friend, because Prehistoric Isle is yet another one of those arcade games I wish I had discovered for myself years ago. Just like last time, I stole a few (read: most) of these images from this site, which also details the adventures you'll find on the titular isle. Just look at those animated gifs! Oh, and if you want the ending spoiled, click here. Be warned, it is a mighty plot twist.

18.11.08

Phantom of Shoelace


So I saw Quantum of Solace this past Sunday, not bothering to wade through the pile of mixed reviews I had heard about on the way. I don't really know what the beef is with this hot enchilada, because it's a solid flick that continues Daniel Craig's stint as a more straightforward and action-oriented Bond.

I think its best feature is the fact that it acts as a direct sequel to Casino Royale. I love the old movies as much as the next guy (though the last few Brosnan entries were rank), but they don't have much in the way of narrative continuity. They're more like formula television, with each threat giving the protagonist another way to use a new set of gadgets and the same set of classic lines. That stuff is great, but it wouldn't work here.

The only thing that isn't as tightly woven as it was in Casino Royale is the action, which is all over the place both on set and in postproduction. For example, the opening parkour set piece in the last movie is really carefully executed, and there's no issue with geography and no real confusion that I can recall. In contrast, the opening car chase of Quantum is a mish-mash of bumpers, sideview mirrors and machine guns.

Then again, that may have had to do with the fact that—for the first time since I was, I don't know, in high school—I was sitting three rows from the front at an awkward angle. I assure you, my moldy ass would never actually choose to sit in such a seat, but we got there just as the previews started. If I get a chance, I want to peep Casino Royale again (on Blu-ray this time) and go check out QoS under ideal conditions.

13.11.08

Scanline City: Out Zone

Welcome to Scanline City, the only metropolis in which it is illegal NOT to constantly talk about awesome arcade games long buried beneath the previous civilization's rubble. For those of you that have never had the luxury of visiting such a sprawl, it looks something like this:


Today's order of business hails from the good year 1990, back when Fly Girls had naught to do but shake their asses, their inhibitions not yet restricted by our future world's harsh decency laws. In that fantastic year, developer Toaplan released an arcade game called Out Zone, a title that I dove into last night with a properly equipped wingman in tow.


Now, I'm not quite sure what an "Out Zone" is, but if the game's contents are anything to go by, it's a ruthless landscape of war and violence, punctuated by killer robots, aliens, and an ever-dwindling supply of energy with which you must power your killing machine of a body. Even Wikipedia can't save us with their special brand of synopses, so you're on your own if you ever find yourself in The Zone.

Out Zone basically plays like a normal shooter with buff lads taking the place of aeroplanes and spaceships. What makes Out Zone unique is the level design and power-up system, the latter involving a couple of weapons that can completely alter the way you play through the stages. While the initial weapon allows full 8-way shooting, making it sometimes difficult to hold fire on a single enemy, one of the power-ups gives the player a three-way shot that keeps them in a strafing position, ideal for blowing away pretty much everything in your vertically-scrolling path.

The level design is way beyond something you'd normally expect from an arcade shooter. Stage schematics play out more like they were designed for the third dimension than a simple 2D screen-scroller. Paths diverge into alien hallways that look, well, pretty much like you'd expect an actual alien stronghold to appear. Enemies pour out of adjacent rooms and, later on, moving bridges cleverly sway back and forth across bottomless chasms that were obviously designed to confuse the architects themselves.

Bosses range from mechanical monstrosities that wouldn't be out of place in more traditional shooters to wall-bound machinations that are straight out of a top-down Contra level. One of the more memorable encounters has one of these very constructs zapping off sections of the floor beneath you with the power of an almost surgical laser beam.

And your reward for conquering the Out Zone? A screen that congratulates you and urges you to play the Extra Game! Quickly, though, there's no time to decide, because Level 1 boots up immediately and you're right back in the thick of it, saddled with a single chance at success. Perhaps this is indicative of the Out Zone's crippling curse, its denizens forced to roam the grounds in an eternal Groundhog Day loop.

It's hard to resist such a call to arms, and that's because Out Zone is legitimately an awesome arcade game. Picture something like Ikari Warriors if Ikari Warriors was actually really fun. Give it a constantly-repeating spin on MAME until you find a copy of its sequel, Fix Eight, and check out some more screens (and probably some actual information) on this site, one of a few from which I thieved images.

12.11.08

Oh the Neo-Humanity!

This is Bone Bambara.


He is Inazuman's fourth foe, fit to bursting with guts and pride.


Emperor Bamba wants him to trigger an explosion in every volcano across Japan, and he attempts to do that by throwing this righteous cross after posing for a screengrab that would look great on a mid-80s metal LP.


This is what happens when his cross strikes.


Bone Bambara can do almost anything. He can disappear at will. He can fight in the darkness, lit only by his glow-in-the-dark essence. He can flip, he can roll, and he can do one heck of a karate chop.


But he cannot defeat Inazuman!

11.11.08

Choriki Shorai!

Yesterday I was treated to The Box Set Joseph Luster Has Been Most Excited About in 2008: Inazuman! Let me tell you, Inazuman is one of my favorite tokusatsu series in a world of really awesome tokusatsu series.


I first witnessed its power via an eBay-bought bootleg DVD called "The Golden Age of Tokusatsu." Its round plastic casing restricted a mighty force of live-action madness in four parts: Kamen Rider Amazon, Denjin Zaboga, the Kikaida 3-D movie, and Inazuman. With the exception of the movie (the third dimension of which was rendered useless and all it was missing was a flashing VHS TRACKING notice), these were all subtitled first-episode-only samplers, and they shaped my life thusly, shrinking MAN into BOY in an instant.

Inazuman struck me as especially special right from the get-go, though. Maybe it was Kikaida himself, Ban Daisuke, in the lead role that made me swoon. Maybe the extraordinarily HOT wheels he commanded made me want to make SCRRRRR noises with my toy cars. Actually, it was probably the fact that protagonist Goro Watari transformed not once, but twice before really sockin' it to the show's baddies.


That's right. First Goro becomes Sanagiman, a brawler rocky enough to make Ben Grimm wanna turn in his superhero credentials. But that's never enough, Inazuman has to finish the job and right the wrongs of the evil Emperor Bamba (bulabulabulabulaaaa). The theme song is rockin', the show is nothing but fun, and I've only seen a couple of episodes so far! While I could never avoid recommending digging around for that shady disc that once put some curlies underneath m'carriage, JNProductions' new set is a pretty hoppin' way to dig into this one.

I leave you with a titillating transformation into Sanagiman.

9.11.08

Galactic Ghetto Something or Other

Alright, the Galactic Ghetto Netflix Queue is in full effect once again, its first order of business being a plate of Speed Racer on Blu-ray served pipin' hot. I know I talked the movie up big time before it came out theatrically, but I never actually got the chance to "give it the business" personally. I'm sure my $10+ wouldn't have contributed too admirably to the pile of bottlecaps it earned at the box office, but I still had pangs of regret for not checking it out at the time.


Now I'm glad I waited. Speed Racer is insane on Blu-ray. Being such an intensely colorful movie, it really explodes in hi-def, and it made the eye-assaulting experience that much more enjoyable for me. I guess I can't really blame people that didn't dig the flick, but the Wachowskis' attempt at creating a live-action cartoon is wholly successful. It may be a tad long, and it may start slowly, but Speed is fun as hell and just generally exciting overall.

Next on the GGNQ is April Fool's Day (1986), and I can't think of a better time to watch that than... right now!

oh man

2.11.08

And the Best Costumes of the Year Go To...

Pat, myself, and Canaan as Biff Tannen (end of the movie, slave to the McFlys version), Doc Brown, and Marty McFly, respectively. If you can't tell by the fact that I forgot to shave, we were aiming for the pinnacle of ACCURACY.

"Great Scott!"

Iiiiit's Pizza Time

Let's kick shell.