It's in this video.
This is an oldie but goody from the Super Hero Spirits 2000 concert. You might be tantalized to note that the Choujin Sentai Jetman song is my most favourite tokusatsu theme! It has everything, and Hironobu Kageyama is the ultimate rock star intro vocalist.
27.8.07
Podcast: Robotronic Dynamite! #18
Golly, a week off sure does seem like a long time in internet years. Join us for our very spicy, and woefully brief, talk with special guest Canaan Schladale-Zink about "what he be playin'."
Also, Bioshock, The King of Kong, crippling technical difficulties, and much more!
LISTEN HERE
Also, Bioshock, The King of Kong, crippling technical difficulties, and much more!
25.8.07
Gimme Dat Hi-Score
Watching the epic exercise in TV game savagery The King of Kong recently has had me on an arcade game kick. I want to be the champeen of a crappy game, preferably one that no one plays, lodged deep within the doughy recesses of a long-forgotten Pizza Hut. Maybe I can take a wrench to one of Gattiland's 44 (out of 45) busted cabinets.
I decided to settle for an arcade in the virtual world and, more specifically, Jeff Minter's new shooter Space Giraffe. Since only a few of my friends actually own the game, I can toot my horn high atop Mount Whogivesashit with little to no opposition to my hastily stolen throne. Cyber-honkery aside, the game is awesome!
It definitely has one of my favorite scoring mechanics ever, in which you "bull" enemies off of the edge of the playing field. Picture a more visually intense and ridiculous Tempest 2000, and then picture knocking enemies off of the edge to the roaring sound of a crashing bi-plane. Here is a short gameplay video.
I certainly wouldn't be playing this a lot if I hadn't beaten Bioshock the other day, and let me assure you that it was an incredible experience that I plan on revisiting in the next few days after I get some work done. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get a soda and watch some cartunes.
I decided to settle for an arcade in the virtual world and, more specifically, Jeff Minter's new shooter Space Giraffe. Since only a few of my friends actually own the game, I can toot my horn high atop Mount Whogivesashit with little to no opposition to my hastily stolen throne. Cyber-honkery aside, the game is awesome!
It definitely has one of my favorite scoring mechanics ever, in which you "bull" enemies off of the edge of the playing field. Picture a more visually intense and ridiculous Tempest 2000, and then picture knocking enemies off of the edge to the roaring sound of a crashing bi-plane. Here is a short gameplay video.
I certainly wouldn't be playing this a lot if I hadn't beaten Bioshock the other day, and let me assure you that it was an incredible experience that I plan on revisiting in the next few days after I get some work done. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get a soda and watch some cartunes.
23.8.07
Super Thyroid
"Are you kiddin' me not updatin' your blog, bro?" some might say, and rightfully so! Truthfully, I've been juggling my time precariously between getting work done and playing lots of Bioshock, and I debated the merit of writing about either here in the hallowed halls of the JLR like so much bathroom scrawling.
Do I even need to write about Bioshock? You could throw an electronic rock on the internet at the moment and unearth great totems of praise and adulation. I'd certainly like to, but I might hold off until I finish to dole out a massive (spoiler-free) proclamation of my very own love.
For now, I will tell you that I am more than a bit smitten with it. This comparison might sound strange, what with the third installment in the Prime series releasing next week on Wii, but I haven't felt this way about a game since Super Metroid.
Do I even need to write about Bioshock? You could throw an electronic rock on the internet at the moment and unearth great totems of praise and adulation. I'd certainly like to, but I might hold off until I finish to dole out a massive (spoiler-free) proclamation of my very own love.
For now, I will tell you that I am more than a bit smitten with it. This comparison might sound strange, what with the third installment in the Prime series releasing next week on Wii, but I haven't felt this way about a game since Super Metroid.
20.8.07
Memoirs 2: Ah, Youth
This is, for most everyone on Earth, what the weekend has been building up to. Before you take one step through that door, though, I must recommend once again that you watch the original 2003 short, Memoirs, first. In fact, even if you've seen it you should watch them back-to-back! Think of it as your very own fantastical Bigwig Double-bill.
Memoirs 2: Ah, Youth
Memoirs 2: Ah, Youth (YouTube)
Memoirs 2: Ah, Youth
Memoirs 2: Ah, Youth (YouTube)
19.8.07
18.8.07
Memoirs 2 Production Journal 01
I'm up in Maine right now with Bigwig Thespian Supreme, Canaan Schladale-Zink, and we just wrapped a two-day shoot of Memoirs 2: Ah, Youth.
Check out the original 2003 film here.
Production Journal 01:
Memoirs 2 Production Journal 01 (YouTube)
Check out the original 2003 film here.
Production Journal 01:
Memoirs 2 Production Journal 01 (YouTube)
16.8.07
The Precursor to Resident Evil 5
This grody 1991 monstrosity is truly one for the books. An American woman travels through Brazil with her brother and British boyfriend, but car trouble lands them in a fazenda under the hospitality of another couple and their voodoo maid, Maria. Of course, this is well after the brother strayed from the pack and observed a wild spirit-evoking macumba ritual, got a necklace from an old, fat black dude with no pupils, and recorded the whole event on his cassette player, becoming possessed in the process.
While at the couple's home, he enters the adjacent graveyard and jams his new tape, giving rise to the spirits of six slaves and triggering the eyeball-hooking, head-stabbing curse to end all eyeball-hooking, head-stabbing curses. Some choice exchanges go as follows:
"Did you hear anything?" - "No." - "I thought I heard a noise. It sounded like rattling chains."
"It's clear they intend to kill us all" - "Well I don't intend to die here like an idiot!"
"I thought Jose's imagination was running overboard when he said someone used the black magic ritual to evoke the damned souls of six negro slaves."
Despite what the bad acting would lead you to believe, the movie is surprisingly tame. As far as Lenzi's flicks go, Black Demons is one of the worst (heck, even he says it's awful), but in the realm of black zombie slave revenge thrillers, it's right on top!
15.8.07
Hardcore Plastic Porn
This is so sick. I'm on an old toy commercial kick; these things used to get a kid rock hard. That's not hyperbole either. It's pretty likely that a lot of young boys got their first erections, not from some lurid photos of female genitalia, but from the extreme cocktease known as the 1980s toy commercial.
These things are just disgusting, seriously. Not only do they show the most awesome toys you could possibly beg for, but they show them fully equipped with every accessory and they let some dick-nosed jerkwads play with them on these elaborate and life-like playsets that are, in no uncertain terms, 100% unpurchaseable. That's not even a freakin' word, but you know what it means: You can't buy it!
Sure, you could step outside and play in the dirt, and you probably did! But it's not the same. Nothing's to scale in "the wilds" of your backyard like it is in the ad. Check out this Dino-Riders ad, for instance. It's completely shameless pornography!
Oh man, there are a bunch to choose from after that one plays. Watch them all!
These things are just disgusting, seriously. Not only do they show the most awesome toys you could possibly beg for, but they show them fully equipped with every accessory and they let some dick-nosed jerkwads play with them on these elaborate and life-like playsets that are, in no uncertain terms, 100% unpurchaseable. That's not even a freakin' word, but you know what it means: You can't buy it!
Sure, you could step outside and play in the dirt, and you probably did! But it's not the same. Nothing's to scale in "the wilds" of your backyard like it is in the ad. Check out this Dino-Riders ad, for instance. It's completely shameless pornography!
Oh man, there are a bunch to choose from after that one plays. Watch them all!
14.8.07
In Other Kingly News: Uwe Boll
I'm not sure how many of you regularly read Wired's Game|Life blog, but a week or so ago Chris Kohler wrote up a quick review of Postal after getting back from a screening with Boll and some of the cast in attendance.So, of course, Boll fired back.
His typically irate reply just makes me want to see the movie that much more.
Relinquish Thy Crown!
At long last, it's come to this. Wrestling is now, just as it always was in my dreams, a battle of kings for the love of their subjects. Behold, as King Booker, in the wake of the return of HHH (AKA "The King of Kings") charges Jerry "The King" Lawler with treason for not planting his crown at his feet and bowing to his kingliness!
13.8.07
How to Dismantle a Helicopter in 60 Seconds
This is perhaps the most unapologetically lame and nerdy thing you're bound to see today. Yes, it's a video of me playing Super Contra! Within its savage walls, I show you gaming so raw that its musculature is left exposed to an arid post-apocalyptic climate.
I don't know what you'll enjoy more, the "kickin' tunes" or the occasional sound of me tapping furiously on the X button!
Enemies in the Sky (YouTube)
I don't know what you'll enjoy more, the "kickin' tunes" or the occasional sound of me tapping furiously on the X button!
Enemies in the Sky (YouTube)
Podcast: Robotronic Dynamite! #17
Time to slap your wife and turn the TV off, because there's a new RD on the streets! Pop it in, put on your headphones, and stay away from JoE's house because he's just going to make you kill roaches for him as he sobs in the corner!
Listen and Subscribe Here!
12.8.07
Even Deeper in the Jungle
A curious obsession with Super Contra is creeping up on me. I have to conquer its evil terrains. I have to dig to the root of this alien menace and pull it out like a tainted radish. Tonight's leap from the whirlybird rope took me further through the depths of level 3's scorching jungle, wherein many truths were revealed.
If this doesn't make you want to play, you might be dead!
Frogmen ambushed me from the canopy to the swamp, but probing more deeply brought the real enemy, aliens, out of hiding. At the end of their unforgiving gauntlet, a trap was sprung! I had haplessly strayed headfirst into a fiendish alien wall that spewed its babies forth like an extremely literal fountain of youth.
Their onslaught was too much for me, and so zapped was my final continue. If only I had a partner, just like the poster and cover art! But who would be so brave?
Update (1:35am): Damn, I wrecked the HECK out of some Super C tonight. While waiting for the eternal download known as the Bioshock demo, I made it to the last boss before I ultimately kicked the bucket. There just wasn't any juice left in my poor soldier, but it felt great to truck through 95% of the game like some demonic, juiced-up tractor trailer of TV game vengeance.
You'd cheer too
Frogmen ambushed me from the canopy to the swamp, but probing more deeply brought the real enemy, aliens, out of hiding. At the end of their unforgiving gauntlet, a trap was sprung! I had haplessly strayed headfirst into a fiendish alien wall that spewed its babies forth like an extremely literal fountain of youth.
Their onslaught was too much for me, and so zapped was my final continue. If only I had a partner, just like the poster and cover art! But who would be so brave?
Update (1:35am): Damn, I wrecked the HECK out of some Super C tonight. While waiting for the eternal download known as the Bioshock demo, I made it to the last boss before I ultimately kicked the bucket. There just wasn't any juice left in my poor soldier, but it felt great to truck through 95% of the game like some demonic, juiced-up tractor trailer of TV game vengeance.
10.8.07
Destiny Waits in the Jungle
Super Contra or, as I knew it on the NES when I was wee, Super C (because the C-word was suddenly deemed very not legit) landed on the sexy 360 a little while ago and, despite all of the ghoulish voices shouting "No!" in my brain, I dove right in and gave Konami the 400 space bux that I had been sitting on for a while.
You're probably jumping up and down like some uncultured savage right about now, screaming "Boogah Boogah Boogah," which roughly translates to "But those arcade versions are teeeeerrible, Joseph!"
Konami, not content with only ripping off ALIENS.
It's true, they can't touch the intense eroticism of the NES ports in my opinion, but they're ridiculously challenging and I'm a complete masochist for this kind of crap. The tough-as-a-Charleston-Chew award really goes to Super Contra, though, because it is a damn MONSTER. I used to be able to hold my own on Nintendo, but this sludge-borne animal has me licked by the third stage. It certainly doesn't help that aiming in the direction you desire is a feat that even Zeus (as played by Tiny Lister) would find a confounding physical endurance test.
This screen makes the NES game look like fine art.
Cruel difficulty aside, Super Contra still has one of the most epic helicopter battles of all time, right there in the first stage! Expect this to fall somewhere on my future feature, The JLR Presents: The Top 10 TV Game Helicopter Throwdowns of All Time.
Addendum: if you play this game with the vomit-like "enhanced" graphics, you're the son of a whore! Someone please remind me to scan in the incredible Nintendo Power Super C cover later, because I can't find it on the internet.
You're probably jumping up and down like some uncultured savage right about now, screaming "Boogah Boogah Boogah," which roughly translates to "But those arcade versions are teeeeerrible, Joseph!"
It's true, they can't touch the intense eroticism of the NES ports in my opinion, but they're ridiculously challenging and I'm a complete masochist for this kind of crap. The tough-as-a-Charleston-Chew award really goes to Super Contra, though, because it is a damn MONSTER. I used to be able to hold my own on Nintendo, but this sludge-borne animal has me licked by the third stage. It certainly doesn't help that aiming in the direction you desire is a feat that even Zeus (as played by Tiny Lister) would find a confounding physical endurance test.
Cruel difficulty aside, Super Contra still has one of the most epic helicopter battles of all time, right there in the first stage! Expect this to fall somewhere on my future feature, The JLR Presents: The Top 10 TV Game Helicopter Throwdowns of All Time.
Addendum: if you play this game with the vomit-like "enhanced" graphics, you're the son of a whore! Someone please remind me to scan in the incredible Nintendo Power Super C cover later, because I can't find it on the internet.
8.8.07
Penishold
What's that making Senor Coco go loco? What game's got him screamin' like a demon? Why, Midway's very own digital follow-up to John Woo's Hard Boiled, Stranglehold, of course!
Were I a betting man, I'd wager this demo will make at least 90% of the population coo-coo like (not for) Cocoa Puffs. The game is totally bonkers and over the top. As Tequila, if you so much as rub your thigh against a flat surface the game sends you into a raging fit of automatic awesome, which is a vague way of saying that you slide along counter tops and tables.
Each segment of the level here is a virtual action movie set-piece loaded with context sensitive acrobatics and glimmering objects that will, upon being shot, explode with sparks and drop boxes and other sharp-ended messes on your foes. When firefights are at their most intense, the screen is a slow-motion frame loaded with blood, splinters, concrete and sparks. Yeah, it uses old, tired Max Payne gimmicks, but it uses them so damn well.
There are even mexican standoffs! In a game! How the hell does that even work? (Okay, I'll tell you) With everyone aiming at one another, you start dispatching your foes one by one as you use the left stick to dodge bullets like Nick Cage in that NEXT trailer. Oh. Yes.
I sincerely doubt that I'll rent this game when it drops on the 26th of this very month. I will probably buy it. With money!
Were I a betting man, I'd wager this demo will make at least 90% of the population coo-coo like (not for) Cocoa Puffs. The game is totally bonkers and over the top. As Tequila, if you so much as rub your thigh against a flat surface the game sends you into a raging fit of automatic awesome, which is a vague way of saying that you slide along counter tops and tables.
Each segment of the level here is a virtual action movie set-piece loaded with context sensitive acrobatics and glimmering objects that will, upon being shot, explode with sparks and drop boxes and other sharp-ended messes on your foes. When firefights are at their most intense, the screen is a slow-motion frame loaded with blood, splinters, concrete and sparks. Yeah, it uses old, tired Max Payne gimmicks, but it uses them so damn well.
There are even mexican standoffs! In a game! How the hell does that even work? (Okay, I'll tell you) With everyone aiming at one another, you start dispatching your foes one by one as you use the left stick to dodge bullets like Nick Cage in that NEXT trailer. Oh. Yes.
I sincerely doubt that I'll rent this game when it drops on the 26th of this very month. I will probably buy it. With money!
Sunshine
I saw this movie earlier tonight and I've gotta admit that my pants are totally tight for it. I think it's the best thing that Danny Boyle has done yet, and I like pretty much all of his jams that I've seen.
I don't want to get into any specifics because I'd rather not ruin it for anybody that hasn't seen it yet; it does have its silly moments. I should add that the movie's audio is definitely a highlight, and reason enough to peep it in the theater if you can. Heck, there are about a dozen reasons to check it out in the theater, honestly.
I'd say it's up there with Hot Fuzz as one of my favorite movies so far this year.
I don't want to get into any specifics because I'd rather not ruin it for anybody that hasn't seen it yet; it does have its silly moments. I should add that the movie's audio is definitely a highlight, and reason enough to peep it in the theater if you can. Heck, there are about a dozen reasons to check it out in the theater, honestly.I'd say it's up there with Hot Fuzz as one of my favorite movies so far this year.
7.8.07
You Are Dead
The Poetry of a new generation. Now that I'm replaying Resident Evil 4 on the Wii, I'm recalling how hilarious all of the death scenes are. Seriously, if you're not dying, you're just not playing it right!
Old video, I know, so if you've never played one of the Greatest Games Ever, don't watch it! I think the acid to the face might be the best.
Old video, I know, so if you've never played one of the Greatest Games Ever, don't watch it! I think the acid to the face might be the best.
Next Bigwig Film Title: You Decide!
Okay, it's time to put a completely unnecessary amount of control in your hands; control that I have the extreme power to revoke at the drop of a hat. In fact, it's very likely that I'll do just that, but there's no way to tell!
Without spoiling the premise, I'm going to offer you a grab bag from which to pull the title of my next movie. I'll only say that it does, indeed, involve the homeless in some way. Now, CHOOSE!
°I'LL SQUAT WHERE I DAMN WELL PLEASE
°HOBO JOHN AND THE GARAGE MURDERS
°I'LL SQUAT WHERE I LIKE, YA BASTARDS!
°HOBO HARRY AND THE DIRTY SQUATTERS
°I'M HOMELESS AND I'M PIPIN' MAD!
°I SHIT ON YOUR LEGS
Without spoiling the premise, I'm going to offer you a grab bag from which to pull the title of my next movie. I'll only say that it does, indeed, involve the homeless in some way. Now, CHOOSE!
°I'LL SQUAT WHERE I DAMN WELL PLEASE
°HOBO JOHN AND THE GARAGE MURDERS
°I'LL SQUAT WHERE I LIKE, YA BASTARDS!
°HOBO HARRY AND THE DIRTY SQUATTERS
°I'M HOMELESS AND I'M PIPIN' MAD!
°I SHIT ON YOUR LEGS
6.8.07
Podcast: Robotronic Dynamite! #16
I promise the JLR hasn't exclusively become a podcast dump, but there just so happens to be a new Robotronic out as of now! I was absent from this man-party, naturally due to, you know, being a rap superstar. I know, it's a tough path that I've chose, but I'll continue to walk it with gold dollar sign chains around my neck. Expect some more updates later, but for now enjoy the intense jamming of Jimmy, JoE and Brandon!
Listen Here
Behind the scenes: JoE edits Robotronic Dynamite
2.8.07
Podcast: Robotronic Dynamite! #15
After a long vacation, we're back with another nipple-erecting jam session covering TV games, Comic Con '07, and more!
Listen Here
Jimmy, waiting for a panel to start
1.8.07
The Simpsons Movie
So I saw The Simpsons yesterday, which is theoretically a pretty awesome birthday thing to do, regardless of the final product's quality. After all, I've been watching the show since I was 8 years old, and the fact that the movie comes out around the time I turn 26 represents a massive time gap during which I remember very little.
I should also establish the fact that I'm not one of the many jaded persons that believe there has been no quality Simpsons writing between the times of x season and x season. It's hit or miss, just like anything else that's run for so long. Shit, did anyone catch the Little Moe Syzlak joke a couple years ago? That was one of the funniest things ever.
But the movie left a lot to be desired. It was too story-driven, as odd as that sounds. Not that I want it to be Family Guy— shooting out references like a Kojiro Abe flick set to auto-fire— but the plot was a big one, when I would have just enjoyed watching some screw-it-all Springfield antics on the big screen.
Where were the aliens? How come Burns and Smithers hardly had a real scene? Where was the epic Moe's Tavern moment? Why was it President Schwarzenegger instead of Renier Wolfcastle? The picks I am nitting, they groove deeply!
But then I noticed that every kid in the theater was busting a gut like never before, and realized that this more sentimental Simpsons jaunt was probably written for someone else. That's cool, it was pretty enjoyable for what it is, and it has its moments. At the end of the day, it's basically a really long episode that's "just okay."
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