If you are a keen internet user or a nerd with nothing better to do (I am both), then you are likely aware that someone posted all of Corey Yuen's Dead or Alive flick on Google Video. I am watching it right now, because I must. So far I'm just five minutes in and there's been a corny post-Zhang Yimou opening, hang-gliding, and sea pirates. This is going to be incredible.
Updates to follow.
Follow-up report: I've made it. Amazing. Folks, this is the new Street Fighter: the Movie.
30.1.07
Madballs in... "Plus 3 Makes 19"
Here's something to astound your senses: the first chapter in issue five of the Madballs comic book from Marvel's 1987 Star Comics line-up. Please enjoy the companion blog entry that inspired this scanning and posting over at Wes Blacula's New JAKQ City!
Holy crap, this is amazing. It's basically eleven pages of bad puns.
Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four
Page Five
Page Six
Page Seven
Page Eight
Page Nine
Page Ten
Page Eleven
Holy crap, this is amazing. It's basically eleven pages of bad puns.
Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four
Page Five
Page Six
Page Seven
Page Eight
Page Nine
Page Ten
Page Eleven
29.1.07
Paging Uncle Phil
Why is the judge from Phoenix Wright such a clueless dingbat? I'm finally finishing this game since I picked up the second one. I do not want to know you if you choose to press the buttons in lieu of barking out objections!I guess I'm going to have to order Hotel Dusk online, because most of the game stores here are sold out of the couple copies they got, and many don't think they'll be getting more. Oh, a rough life indeed.
28.1.07
Anatomy of a Funny Book Cover
Originally, I wanted to show each of you what I consider to be the boldest comic book cover of all time: a Star Wars comic that depicts Lando (a stunning likeness of Billy Dee Williams) getting double-fist punched right in the kisser by his own servant, Lobot; truly a thing of beauty.
I couldn't find it, so you'll have to live with the description for now. However, in my diggings I started thinking, as I'm wont to do when confronted with a stack of funny books, about what makes a comic cover so exciting. Most importantly, why are they not exciting anymore!? The answer is simple, so I won't take up much of your time. First, bookmark this and then leave your job or whatever it is you do and take a stroll to the comic book shoppe.
For this next section I will assume you are browsing via a mobile device or, more likely, that you lied and did not leave at all.
Fig 1.1*
Now look at the covers on the "new issues" rack. No, you are not at a museum! Yet, despite your location, you find yourself surrounded by confusing pieces of paper. These are comic book covers, but they do not tell you what to expect inside the comic! Hey, look over at that one on the second shelf; it appears to be a Western adventure comic. But where are the cowboys and word bubbles exclaiming distress over an Indian threat? Instead, there is just a fancy painting of a cowboy hat!
You have been fooled.
It's probably not about cowboys at all. Who knows? Below, I have scanned and posted two examples of comics that really let you know what to expect. The Star Wars cover is especially well done. I'll close with these images, which you can click to enlarge, and announce that you may expect some similarly titillating Slamm Dunk covers soon!
* Fig 1.1 - What the heck is going on here?
I couldn't find it, so you'll have to live with the description for now. However, in my diggings I started thinking, as I'm wont to do when confronted with a stack of funny books, about what makes a comic cover so exciting. Most importantly, why are they not exciting anymore!? The answer is simple, so I won't take up much of your time. First, bookmark this and then leave your job or whatever it is you do and take a stroll to the comic book shoppe.
For this next section I will assume you are browsing via a mobile device or, more likely, that you lied and did not leave at all.
Fig 1.1*Now look at the covers on the "new issues" rack. No, you are not at a museum! Yet, despite your location, you find yourself surrounded by confusing pieces of paper. These are comic book covers, but they do not tell you what to expect inside the comic! Hey, look over at that one on the second shelf; it appears to be a Western adventure comic. But where are the cowboys and word bubbles exclaiming distress over an Indian threat? Instead, there is just a fancy painting of a cowboy hat!
You have been fooled.
It's probably not about cowboys at all. Who knows? Below, I have scanned and posted two examples of comics that really let you know what to expect. The Star Wars cover is especially well done. I'll close with these images, which you can click to enlarge, and announce that you may expect some similarly titillating Slamm Dunk covers soon!
* Fig 1.1 - What the heck is going on here?
27.1.07
Satori
I'm hesitant to visit Japan, because deep down inside I know that it might not be like this at all:
However, this is pretty much what it must look like when the O.T.A.C.K.E.R.S. invade the streets together.
However, this is pretty much what it must look like when the O.T.A.C.K.E.R.S. invade the streets together.
26.1.07
Smokin' Aces
Just got back from this one. It's too bad Smokin' Aces will never survive tired comparisons to flicks by Tarantino and Ritchie, because it was really fun and ridiculous.Jason Bateman is definitely a stand-out, though he doesn't get a lot of screen time. I hope he has the greatest career in the world, personally, after being one of the best straight guys in comedy history on Arrested Development. But hell, I thought Ryan Reynolds was pretty rad in this too, so what do I know?
It's nice to see a new over-the-top R hitman flick, and regardless of whether or not you find the whole concept derivative as all hell, Joe Carnahan cracked out a movie that I'd love to sneak some tall boys into if I ever see it again.
Obligatory Statement: Alicia Keys is really hot.
Crackdown (360): First Impressions
I meant to write this here in a more timely manner, but damnit, I had a comic to post.
The Crackdown demo dropped a few days ago on Xbox Live, and I couldn't have been less excited, honestly. I was sort of looking forward to checking it out, but something about the early videos and screens I had seen made me write it off prematurely. I have a feeling quite a few people felt this way initially, but after thrashing through a lot of the demo (as much as the level-up time limit would allow) with a friend, I'm fully prepared to buy this damn game when it comes out.
And yes, I want the actual game and don't really care about the Halo 3 beta testing invite that comes with the launch shipments. Though the idea of a new sandbox-style outing isn't the most exciting prospect anymore, Crackdown has an energy and fun about it that takes it a level above most. In this one, you're a cop with superpowers that can– as his levels of strength continue to rise– jump higher, punch harder, throw heavier objects, and generally do all the fun-with-physics-and-platforming stuff you would ever want to do in a big futuristic city.
By the end of the demo, between cracking gang member heads, I was leaping from rooftop to rooftop and flipping cars on the street with the WHAP of a single kick. Its colorful, cel-shaded coating doesn't veer too far into the cartoon category, and ends up looking more like a comic book than anything. Even the way the city is designed is very comic book-like.
I want to play more of this game, but I don't really want to keep sitting down with the demo only to be kicked 30 minutes after raising a couple of levels. I'll definitely be there when this streets, though.
The Crackdown demo dropped a few days ago on Xbox Live, and I couldn't have been less excited, honestly. I was sort of looking forward to checking it out, but something about the early videos and screens I had seen made me write it off prematurely. I have a feeling quite a few people felt this way initially, but after thrashing through a lot of the demo (as much as the level-up time limit would allow) with a friend, I'm fully prepared to buy this damn game when it comes out.
And yes, I want the actual game and don't really care about the Halo 3 beta testing invite that comes with the launch shipments. Though the idea of a new sandbox-style outing isn't the most exciting prospect anymore, Crackdown has an energy and fun about it that takes it a level above most. In this one, you're a cop with superpowers that can– as his levels of strength continue to rise– jump higher, punch harder, throw heavier objects, and generally do all the fun-with-physics-and-platforming stuff you would ever want to do in a big futuristic city.
By the end of the demo, between cracking gang member heads, I was leaping from rooftop to rooftop and flipping cars on the street with the WHAP of a single kick. Its colorful, cel-shaded coating doesn't veer too far into the cartoon category, and ends up looking more like a comic book than anything. Even the way the city is designed is very comic book-like.
I want to play more of this game, but I don't really want to keep sitting down with the demo only to be kicked 30 minutes after raising a couple of levels. I'll definitely be there when this streets, though.
25.1.07
Brand New Comic (Hooray)
This is one you will most surely want to "click to enlarge." I personally hope that there will be more to come in this series. Enjoy!
For reference to those of you that are unaware, these characters come from our short motion picture linked below.
A Bard's Tale (YouTube)
For reference to those of you that are unaware, these characters come from our short motion picture linked below.
A Bard's Tale (YouTube)
Hear Ye and Such
I have a new review on the internet; it is for Takashi Miike's The Great Yokai War, in fact. Naturally, I usher you in its general direction with much enthusiasm.
24.1.07
Corpse Choose One
Let's play a game. Here's one I found while cleaning up around here; a nasty little piece of trash from high school that still remains alarmingly relevant to our world. The name of the game is Corpse Choose One, and it's pretty self-explanatory. You are given two scenarios, and you must choose one. Though most of you aren't familiar with the parties involved in these choices, the situations themselves will attack your senses!
Choice the First
(feel free to call that phone number, I have no idea whose it is)
Choice the Second
I implore you, click to enlarge!
Choice the First
(feel free to call that phone number, I have no idea whose it is)
Choice the Second
I implore you, click to enlarge!
23.1.07
Mushihimesama and Nugget
This will probably be the last time I play on Original Mode. I forgot how wild the scoring system is on the other modes, so I'll play those from now on! I don't know if I'll be able to post a picture every day, because I only really get a chance to see my score if I make it on the in-game rankings. Rest assured, though, I will keep you kids updated in some form, and will admit with much shame whenever I quit this endeavor.
Also, Dave Deutsch presents the further tales of Nugget (AKA Pat). This time, our unsavory hero fights a bout of hamburger poisoning and ends up in the ghetto. I like to think of it as a chilling commentary on how much it sucks to be Pat. Further analysis to follow.
Nugget's Dream (YouTube)
Also, Dave Deutsch presents the further tales of Nugget (AKA Pat). This time, our unsavory hero fights a bout of hamburger poisoning and ends up in the ghetto. I like to think of it as a chilling commentary on how much it sucks to be Pat. Further analysis to follow.
Nugget's Dream (YouTube)
Eternal Project: Mushihimesama
Some of you, smart whips that you are, remember that I bought a japper PS2 a while back just so I could play the Space Sheriff Spirits game. Truly a noble but foolish and expensive cause. Far be it from me to let my sleepyhead PS2 rot on my shelf, or fall victim to a game collection consisting solely of bad budget titles, so I finally ordered a copy of the Cave shooter Mushihimesama.
I really fell for this game a couple years ago while staying at Ugly Pat's in Florida (I offered him the nickname of "Pretty Pat," but he found it deceitful). It is, of course, a ridiculous vertical shooter in which you play a Nausicaä-like princess that apparently lives in a terrible world populated by giant bugs that are always shooting millions of tiny purple bullets at you. The hit detection is pretty lenient, though, so you may find yourself only continuing one hundred times before completing the game.
Let's cut to the chase. Over an indefinite period of time, I will be playing through this game at least once a day, sometimes twice, in a quest towards mental and physical improvement. It takes about the same amount of time to eat a hearty meal, so this shouldn't be a problem. I will then shear the hair from my body and take photographs of my new-found musculature.
So do not be alarmed when you see an image similar to that below on each of my posts, for it is natural! Here's yesterday's. I will post today's as soon as it is done:
I really fell for this game a couple years ago while staying at Ugly Pat's in Florida (I offered him the nickname of "Pretty Pat," but he found it deceitful). It is, of course, a ridiculous vertical shooter in which you play a Nausicaä-like princess that apparently lives in a terrible world populated by giant bugs that are always shooting millions of tiny purple bullets at you. The hit detection is pretty lenient, though, so you may find yourself only continuing one hundred times before completing the game.
Let's cut to the chase. Over an indefinite period of time, I will be playing through this game at least once a day, sometimes twice, in a quest towards mental and physical improvement. It takes about the same amount of time to eat a hearty meal, so this shouldn't be a problem. I will then shear the hair from my body and take photographs of my new-found musculature.
So do not be alarmed when you see an image similar to that below on each of my posts, for it is natural! Here's yesterday's. I will post today's as soon as it is done:
Castlevania III Movie Blog
Holy shit. I completely forgot it was happening.
Keep your eyes on this, pop it in Google Reader, whatever.
22.1.07
Jotaku Magu: Early American Cosplay Heroes
Here's something magazine covers will never do again. O, how the mighty, erotic photograph has been replaced by Cheetos and Cartoon Black Magick!
The last may be used as your very own desktop image.
As usual, click to enlarge!
The last may be used as your very own desktop image.
As usual, click to enlarge!
19.1.07
The Dandy Lumberjack and His Mighty Beard of Wolfskin and Boot-leather
Like all enterprising young boys, I looked forward to the day that I could enjoy a full beard; one that beamed of strength and menace and the chopping of nature. However, I think I might officially throw in the towel on the concept entirely!
Being a nomadic individual that fancies the rejection of your utopian ideals such as job-having and job-working, there was no time better than the present to give bearding another go. Though I cannot scientifically explain the phenomenon in which my facial hair only grows in the style of "gay retail manager" or "gay poet what works a retail job on the side," I can pray that this is not a portent of the future and present an artistic representation of my face in the form of a pseudo-scientific diagram.
Surely I would shave it off, had I a straight razor and some relieving salve.
Being a nomadic individual that fancies the rejection of your utopian ideals such as job-having and job-working, there was no time better than the present to give bearding another go. Though I cannot scientifically explain the phenomenon in which my facial hair only grows in the style of "gay retail manager" or "gay poet what works a retail job on the side," I can pray that this is not a portent of the future and present an artistic representation of my face in the form of a pseudo-scientific diagram.
Surely I would shave it off, had I a straight razor and some relieving salve.
18.1.07
In Which I Bear Witness to a Wii Accident
I know, I'm also sick to death of hearing about or seeing pictures of Wii injuries, broken televisions, and pride shattered in the wake of improperly swinging a damn remote. Though the ship sailed on these long ago, I can't help but show you something I taped last night; something that happened a mere 11 seconds after I turned on the video camera for some innocent recording of my friend, who had never played the system before, playing tennis in a woefully constricted area. No more spoilers.
Watch:
Watch:
17.1.07
Not Technically TV Games
What should portable games be called? They're certainly not Television games! Here are two new reviews from yours truly, just posted over at Got Next:
• Cartoon Network Racing (DS)
• Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin (DS)
(spoilers: one sucks and the other is awesome)
I swore up and down that I would never buy Pac-Man on Live Arcade, but I woke up one morning about a month ago and there it was, purchased by a far more intoxicated man that was obviously trying to piss me off. Anyway, I've been playing it, and right now I'm trying to get the final achievement, which involves "perfecting" a level by eating all four ghosts four times. I am not very good at this!
• Cartoon Network Racing (DS)
• Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin (DS)
(spoilers: one sucks and the other is awesome)
I swore up and down that I would never buy Pac-Man on Live Arcade, but I woke up one morning about a month ago and there it was, purchased by a far more intoxicated man that was obviously trying to piss me off. Anyway, I've been playing it, and right now I'm trying to get the final achievement, which involves "perfecting" a level by eating all four ghosts four times. I am not very good at this!
Take the Food, You Hungry Sluts
I don't know if I can play BK's Sneak King on 360 again. Ever. I'm really surprised I made it through my sleep without any recurring night terrors. The game itself is a crushing commentary on greed and the declining value of the US dollar. Even if you hide in a trashcan and pop out to give someone a hamburgesa before they pass out, they will be hungry again shortly! All these people do is consume your hearty meals and spout Sims-like gibberish, and if they don't get a burger in 30 goddamn seconds they pass out from exhaustion.
Oh yeah, John, you left your copy of Sneak King over here. But screw you, I'm taking this trash to Mt. Doom.
15.1.07
New Claymation Short
I'm still kind of in that satisfactory glow of finishing something, but the feeling of "fuck editing claymation forever" looms pretty heavily. This one was kind of a pain in the ass, so I took a long break from it and finally finished it tonight. It ended up being pretty wild, considering it's just a clay short.
I guess that technically makes this the first BigWig film of 2007. Enjoy!
Boxer Assassins: Ninja Apocalypse
You may need to brighten your screen a bit, but it looks fine on my Mac.
I guess that technically makes this the first BigWig film of 2007. Enjoy!
Boxer Assassins: Ninja Apocalypse
You may need to brighten your screen a bit, but it looks fine on my Mac.
13.1.07
When I Say Bleach, I Don't Mean The Shitty Cartoon
I've been talking up and looking forward to Lost Planet since I first played that demo that hit OXM and Live marketplace last year, and I'll admit that some of the mixed reviews made me a little anxious. First, Famitsu hit with a really generous score, 46/50 I think. Now we all know Japanese people like jumping on things and selecting words from menus more than shooting people and blowing things up, so this was a pretty good sign of things to come.Then came the US internetters and newstanders, some of which are consistently guilty of picking shit apart so they seem... harsh? I don't know. Whatever the reason, I sometimes notice nitpicking in games with nits that don't deserve so much picking (Yoshi's Island DS, for instance).
Anyway, Lost Planet is awesome. It looks amazing, and plays, despite controls that could use some better mapping, like a sub-zero action movie (I hope someone at Midway or New Line reads my blog and takes a note on that last sentence). I haven't tried out the multiplayer yet, but I did attempt to join a match last night before the host dropped it. If anything, it seems like it might end up being pretty short. If the powers of the Kentucky Tavern spirits and some mud butt hadn't conspired to stop me, I might have cleared the majority of the levels last night.
Enough fun for now. I have to write about Cartoon Network Racing on DS and do some "hands-on" research on which brand of bleach is most lethal when ingested.
12.1.07
Rumpelstiltskin 3000
Here's the short, untouched by man's editing powers (see notes below).
Rumpelstiltskin 3000 (1999)
An excerpt from the BigWig Productions book (yet to be published):
And here is the true original, rescued from a crashed zeppelin at the end of the Great War. Dated at 1943, this can truly be called the first BigWig film.
Rumpelstiltskin 3000 (silent; 1943)
Rumpelstiltskin 3000 (1999)
An excerpt from the BigWig Productions book (yet to be published):
What is perhaps the most sought-after lost BigWig short came next: Rumpelstiltskin 3000. Sanders takes a seat in the golden-thread-spinning chair as a beautiful young lass and comes face to face with none other than Rumpelstiltskin himself (Luster). Though the crude in-camera editing methods tended to cut off the first and last words of the tiny man's rhymes, there aren't many better examples of BigWig filmmaking out there. If this one is ever found, let's hope that we're among the first to know.
And here is the true original, rescued from a crashed zeppelin at the end of the Great War. Dated at 1943, this can truly be called the first BigWig film.
Rumpelstiltskin 3000 (silent; 1943)
Tales from Beyond
What a terrible time for YouTube to be down for maintenance. We're at the cusp of a new world, so what better time than now to revisit lost realms of the human psyche?
I'm talking, of course, about the extremely lost BigWig Productions classic Rumpelstiltskin 3000, a short made in 199x starring yours truly and a young Pat Sanders at the bleeding edge of adulthood. Shot on VHS, there was previously no simple way for me to get this sought-after video onto the internet for all to see. Thankfully, I got my VCR back from Justin ("le cinematografer") the other day, and did it the old-fashioned way: recording the TV with my video camera.
While this made an already out-of-focus movie even blurrier, it's now available for all the world's children to enjoy. I'll post it as soon as I can upload it. For now, here are some ghetto screencaps.
I'm talking, of course, about the extremely lost BigWig Productions classic Rumpelstiltskin 3000, a short made in 199x starring yours truly and a young Pat Sanders at the bleeding edge of adulthood. Shot on VHS, there was previously no simple way for me to get this sought-after video onto the internet for all to see. Thankfully, I got my VCR back from Justin ("le cinematografer") the other day, and did it the old-fashioned way: recording the TV with my video camera.
While this made an already out-of-focus movie even blurrier, it's now available for all the world's children to enjoy. I'll post it as soon as I can upload it. For now, here are some ghetto screencaps.
11.1.07
Is He Right, Folks? - part two
Well, I took so long to follow up the first part of this that the full feature is already online. Here are my thoughts on TV games in '06, as well as my "great prophecy" for this year. This is the full feature from page one, though I find your interest in all things not me somewhat disconcerting!
New comics coming soon!
New comics coming soon!
10.1.07
Moving from Topic to Topic
Today's tough news is that my last post got me in a bit of trouble with Düdü Blaq & Dirty Earl. Just like their hardcore fan Rumiko, they misunderstood the way in which I was representing their titles that I was translating on this blog. Anyway, I almost lost my exclusive right to translate their entire catalogue at my leisure, but thankfully we came to an eventual agreement. Though, I have to add that I'm a bit wary of the outcome.
Blaq & Earl have agreed to let me continue translating their works, but only if the next five titles that I present here are a handful of their grosser gems on which I had previously refused to work. Real disgusting crap like "When the Runs are Done" and the "Little Daichi Dipshit" series. I guess it's worth it, but I figured I should apologize in advance for some of this content!
Blaq & Earl have agreed to let me continue translating their works, but only if the next five titles that I present here are a handful of their grosser gems on which I had previously refused to work. Real disgusting crap like "When the Runs are Done" and the "Little Daichi Dipshit" series. I guess it's worth it, but I figured I should apologize in advance for some of this content!
9.1.07
Wreckx-N-Effect
I'm really trying to use all of my willpower not to blather on about Children of Men for a variety of reasons. One, I think so many people have already covered how great the movie is. Two, if I start writing about it, I'll inevitably go into detail about how technically amazing it is, and start wailing on some of the insane continuous shots and see, I almost did it. Just go watch it.
Instead, I thought I'd finally put a project out to pasture. A lot of you probably recall the "smash hit" JLR-exclusive short comic Express from August of last year. That was a lot of fun, so I immediately started working on an unrelated follow-up called "I Can Fly." After a couple of pages, though, I realized that it was pretty much the same thing!
It's about a businessman that goes to the top of his building to commit suicide, but when he jumps off, wings come out of his ass and he suddenly starts to fly. Cut to the chase: shortly after spreading the word of his new-found love of life in the skies, the wings expand further, revealing a demon working its way out of his anus. The guy explodes, screaming "I can fly!"
If anyone really wants to see it finished, I'll do that someday, but I might want to wait a while before becoming the "guy that draws comics in which stuff comes out of people's asses." Here's the cover image and rough versions of the first two pages:
Instead, I thought I'd finally put a project out to pasture. A lot of you probably recall the "smash hit" JLR-exclusive short comic Express from August of last year. That was a lot of fun, so I immediately started working on an unrelated follow-up called "I Can Fly." After a couple of pages, though, I realized that it was pretty much the same thing!
It's about a businessman that goes to the top of his building to commit suicide, but when he jumps off, wings come out of his ass and he suddenly starts to fly. Cut to the chase: shortly after spreading the word of his new-found love of life in the skies, the wings expand further, revealing a demon working its way out of his anus. The guy explodes, screaming "I can fly!"
If anyone really wants to see it finished, I'll do that someday, but I might want to wait a while before becoming the "guy that draws comics in which stuff comes out of people's asses." Here's the cover image and rough versions of the first two pages:
8.1.07
Oh, Good Lawd
I have to stop saying that.
Anyway, this Lost Planet review makes me cry a little.
Say it ain't so, Capcom.
Anyway, this Lost Planet review makes me cry a little.
...the game gets away from these roots far too soon and often, delving into middling mech territory with brain-dead humans broken up by rote boss battles and a forgettable story. Sleek graphics and a fast start can't mask what's an entertaining but ultimately disposable diversion.
Say it ain't so, Capcom.
Best Film of 2007
Obviously, this will top all of our lists:
Black Sheep
Good lawd, that shit screams Lloyd Kaufman, if he ever decided to upgrade to b-movies from whatever catacomb-level workshop he reigns.
Black Sheep
Good lawd, that shit screams Lloyd Kaufman, if he ever decided to upgrade to b-movies from whatever catacomb-level workshop he reigns.
In Future News...
... now former UofL football coach Bobby Petrino to die in a fire.
Unveiling of replacement coach Don Horror met with little fanfare.
Five days after leading the University of Louisville football team to victory in the Orange Bowl, Bobby Petrino resigned as head coach Sunday night to take over the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons.
Unveiling of replacement coach Don Horror met with little fanfare.
7.1.07
Is He Right, Folks? - part one
This time last year, the collective writers, myself included, over at Got Next were asked to post our year in review top fives and thoughts on the coming year. This was mine. Looking back, I played it pretty safe, like a 5¢ Nostradamus proclaiming "you will eventually die."
In other news: humans will continue to exist in 2006 and the selling of toasters will commence for the foreseeable future.
In the next post, I'll throw down the 2007 prediction, which has yet to be posted on the GN site.
I think we'll all see this new year as a milestone for gaming; a year that will answer the countless questions surrounding Sony and Nintendo's hands and how they plan to deal them out. I also think we'll see more of the 360's magic once it really makes itself comfortable. Don't get down if your pockets aren't ready for war, though. Last I checked, PS2 and co. still had a strong pulse with some promising titles looking to flow in the bloodstream. Enjoy it while it lasts and get ready to soak in the next generation, kiddos.
In other news: humans will continue to exist in 2006 and the selling of toasters will commence for the foreseeable future.
In the next post, I'll throw down the 2007 prediction, which has yet to be posted on the GN site.
His Majesty's Magic Window
For the past week or so, I've been checking out this Epson Moviemate projector that came with some ridiculous 80" screen. Apparently I'm supposed to write about it and then mail it back, but at this point I'm working on a way to fake my own death and flee to the sewers, damned to a life of subsisting on rats and watching the fuck out of some movies.
So what does a Real Man® do with this device, aside from using it as a vehicle for masturbation in higher definition? Play TV games and watch pinky violence† flicks, of course! Video after the non-existent jump.
†may or may not also involve masturbation
So what does a Real Man® do with this device, aside from using it as a vehicle for masturbation in higher definition? Play TV games and watch pinky violence† flicks, of course! Video after the non-existent jump.
†may or may not also involve masturbation
6.1.07
Timely Follow-up on Matters Electronic
Since I know that pretty much everyone in our brave world comes here to get cutting-edge video game news, I thought it was my responsibility to follow up on this post from the other day. I stopped by the double B to spend the last of a gift card (for the [bi]curious, I picked up Chang Cheh's The Water Margin), and noticed that all 24 or so of the aforementioned PS3s had been, at some point, picked up and purchased (presumably) by actual human beings. This, of course, partially debunks the popular theory that factory-escaped robots have been using them for narcotic purposes.
5.1.07
Galactic Ghetto Sketchbook: Rap Catalogue
Here's something found way deep in the old Galactic Ghetto Sketchbook: a Ducketts Murda Records catalogue circa 199x. Kids, note the parental advisory stickers and ask your parents before ordering!
As always, click to enlarge for further study!
As always, click to enlarge for further study!
4.1.07
Requisite Clips Episode
2006, as many of you know, was quite the year! In fact, some would argue that this venerable blog did not exist before '06. But they would be incorrect, so let's take a quick look at our history here!The Joseph Luster Report started in 2005, when this journal took a turn for the sexy. Interestingly enough, our intrepid author left it to a very handsome man to come up with the erotic new title. In April of 2006, however, the page was getting too big for its britches! The second season would require a much larger soundstage; one with enough area to house lavish jungle sets as well as a shrine dedicated to its creator.
Now, after two more seasons here, the studio still stands erect, much sturdier than its balsa wood brethren. This post marks the end of Season 3, so let's take a look at what you may have missed this year:
Highlights Reel
• In April, we discovered how to craft a proper instruction manual.
• We counted down the best tokusatsu openings in May.
• June saw man fighting wasp and too many zombie flicks.
• July was most notable for the return of Slamm Dunk as well as a brand new BigWig film!
• One of the more robust months was August. Together, we fought helicopters, enjoyed exclusive comics, viewed more Slamm Dunk covers than ever before, and had an in-depth discussion with Patrick Macias about Kojiro Abe's latest masterpiece.
• In September, we viewed the dark side of homelessness, and rode the short bus with Josh Ford.
• October made Kamen Rider Amazon slightly sexier, but was otherwise uneventful.
• On the other hand, November brought us two entries in the Slamm Dunk Handbook!
• December was truly the crescendo. You should recap it all.
Air your season 4 desires here, my friends. Rub the lamp vigorously!
3.1.07
A Post on Matters Electronic
While I won't be party to proclaiming death knells from mountaintops like the rest of the internet, I find the amount of PS3s scattered about my town pretty disconcerting. Maybe everyone's just too po' right now. I'd say it's the severe lack of games worth playing, but Nintendo also only has a thimble full of purchase-worthy titles (though they do have more than Sony's one).
I was particularly surprised at the massive stack of homeless Playstations at Best Buy. In my quest for the elusive Wii (fuck everyone ever), I spied a stack of Sony's systems sitting in the middle of Best Buy's main aisle. In the two double-stacked rows, I guess there were maybe 24 consoles total. They looked kind of sad, and if I were a richer and/or stupider man, I would have taken one home and made it some (joey) cocoa.
On both sides of the stack, a large printout was stickied for all to see; something of an apocalyptic foretelling to the tune of, "these are not the PS3s that come packaged with Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."
I think we've found the secret ingredient.
I was particularly surprised at the massive stack of homeless Playstations at Best Buy. In my quest for the elusive Wii (fuck everyone ever), I spied a stack of Sony's systems sitting in the middle of Best Buy's main aisle. In the two double-stacked rows, I guess there were maybe 24 consoles total. They looked kind of sad, and if I were a richer and/or stupider man, I would have taken one home and made it some (joey) cocoa.
On both sides of the stack, a large printout was stickied for all to see; something of an apocalyptic foretelling to the tune of, "these are not the PS3s that come packaged with Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."
I think we've found the secret ingredient.
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